Open wounds

Chapter 1

Bakugo had been pulling away, he had been forcing (Y/n) away, locking his former best friend out of his heart and mind and (Y/n) knew it was his fault...
Bakugo didn't speak to him. He didn't even look his way, when they worked on projects together, Bakugo stayed quiet and left (Y/n) alone to his own thoughts.
And (Y/n) knew it was his fault.
The younger of the two took in a shaky breath, staring at the ground just past Bakugo's dorm , looking longingly at the door of his child hood friend, the only one he had left, probably reading in silence, his headphones in and (Y/n) knew that was only to block out whatever words that he might speak...
"I know you hear me." He said softly, staring at the white door of the elder. "I know you can hear me." He said louder this time.
But no answer came, "Dammit! Why won't you answer me?!" He cried, tangling his fingers into his hair.
But he knew the reason why Bakugo no longer cared, no longer wanted (Y/n) around...
The younger had fallen in love with the elder. He had kept it secret since they were in junior high and the day he decided to make his dark feelings known Bakugo left him standing there.
Their interactions had been few a bit after that. Bakugo spending day and night in either his dorm, one of the bakusquads dorms, or class but always making sure to keep a distance from (Y/n). When he finally could stand to be in the same room as (Y/n), he didn't even give the younger a glance.
And (Y/n) knew that no matter what he would never be the same in his friend's eyes, the man he truly loved.
His heartbeat quickened when Bakugo slid the door opened. (Y/n)'s (e/c) orbs staring hopefully. Bakugo didn't as much glance over, walking to the common area and sitting down, humming along to whatever song he was listening to.
(Y/n) knew he was nothing in Bakugo's eyes. If this was truly what Bakugo wanted, the silence, the separation (perhaps even the joy of not having a gay best friend) (Y/n) could do that. After all, it had been so easy for Bakugo to give him up.
The (h/t) -hair type: brunette, blonde, raven- boy stood, pulling his (f/c) jacket from his dorm, taking one last look towards Bakugo before turning off his location on his phone. "I'll be back in a bit." He said to no one, knowing no one in the world would care if he had spoken.
He walked down the steps. He passed by Momo, saying a sad little 'See you later.' to her, not noticing how she looked at him with such sadness. She was a smart woman, she knew the boys better than she knew herself and she knew (Y/n) had never acted like this before.
Even after the death of his father and mother, even after his pet ran away or when he got teased for getting his quirk late (Y/n) never stopped smiling.
Because he always had Bakugo surprisingly. She wasn't stupid, she knew something had changed. Bakugo spent more time with her than anyone else, more time with the Midoriya than with his childhood friend and the younger had never seemed so heartbroken.
"Have fun!" She called, but (Y/n) didn't answer. He let the door close behind him.
– –
Bakugo didn't have any music playing, he had the headphones in, his song had turned off long ago but he hadn't had the mind to press play again.
He had seen (Y/n)'s under his door, his shaking form those nights that he cried but he pretended easily that he didn't see his friend.
He had been spending more and more time away, not knowing how (Y/n) fared alone... not knowing what he felt... he knew where the younger went, he still had his location sent to his phone every hour. When the young (h/t) left he would check just to see what (Y/n) was up to. Though he wasn't ever going to follow him again.
He turned to look at his phone, the dot that indicated where (y/n) was, not showing up.
He sighed.
"(Y/n)..." he whispered.
The name felt strange on his lips, the name he had refused to speak for nearly four months... the name of a boy who he was slowly killing.
He tossed it back on the bed, "He's a smart kid... he'll be fine."
– –
(Y/n) knew it had been a bad idea to walk around this late at night, the sky was dark, overcast... 'How cliché...' he thought, 'Rain when I'm sad... nice.'
The (h/t) rolled his eyes, nearly laughing at the typicality at the situation. Even so, he felt the darkness looming over his shoulders and pulled the hoody over his hair, just wanting to hide away from the world and from Bakugo Katsuki.
He knew the man was probably happy in his own little world at U.A. He was happy with his friends, probably even had a girlfriend or something. He wouldn't be shocked if it was Uraka. She was a cool chick and Bakugo always seemed so happy to be around her, even though he hid it well.
Everything (Y/n) could never be, everything (Y/n) could never be for Bakugo.
He moved into the alleyway near a clothing store. He had never actually been inside but for an odd reason, it was his go to place. He wanted to stay in the night, unseen by the world that no longer cared.
He checked his cell, hiding away in the darkness, the bright screen of his phone blinding him for just a moment.
Nothing...
No calls, no texts from anyone... no messages...
He dropped his head to his knees, shaking a bit. He heard the sounds of an ambulance far away and began to understand that no one in the world cared.
– –
He returned home far after everyone was asleep. He was drenched in rain water and a bit of dirt from a car splashing him. All he wanted to do was be clean but he didn't want to make too much noise
Bakugo's door was open meaning that he hadn't expected (Y/n) to come back, after all, he had been closing it every night since (Y/n) told him.
He stared at the silence, sadness in his eyes. "Bakugo..." he whispered shakily, almost reaching forward, almost wanting to be with him... almost...
But Bakugo didn't care.
He took a deep breath, slowly walking into the room that was Bakugo's. He took in the semi- familiar space... he still had the pictures up, the pictures of family and friends...
But there was one picture missing, one of just (Y/n) and Bakugo taken last year.
It was gone.
(Y/n) took in another shaky breath, choking back a sob.
"I guess I know..." He whispered to no one in particular. He knew Bakugo wouldn't hear him, even if he did, would the boy waste time to answer him at this point? "I... It's my fault isn't it? You hating me... I fucked it all up, didn't I?" He asked, looking over at his sleeping friend. "I wish I never fell in love with you... maybe then you would still love me."
(Y/n) pulled away as if just the thought of touching Bakugo burnt like the fires of hell. He turned away, closing the door... if Bakugo knew he was home, he would want it closed.
He moved to the bathroom in his room, picking up a sleeping Mochi (I gave you a cat) and placing the fat feline on his bed. He pet the cat for a moment, musing over the world before going back to the bathroom.
He closed and locked the door, turning on the bright light and staring into the mirror. "I don't even care." He said softly, pulling his shirt off, tossing it into the hamper, then his pants, his wet under garments. He turned the shower on, the heat of it scalding but he didn't care.
He wanted to burn it away, to burn the pain and the heartache and his feelings away.
He stepped under the spray, gasping softly as his (s/c) skin turned pink from heat. He didn't bother to turn it down. (Y/n) slid down to the wet ground, the water plastering his hair to his face, it had gotten so long, he figured it was high time to cut it.
For a moment, (Y/n) simply basked in the silence he had grown to know, closing his eyes and letting it all melt away. He pulled the shampoo down, wanting to be clean. He washed his hair, the smell of it filling his nose as fog and mist filled the bathroom and nearly seeped out of the door.
That was the moment he saw it.
Bakugo shaved often, he liked having smooth skin and he wanted to teach (Y/n) the habit as well, however that was not the look he gave the razor blade sitting calmly on the counter.
He reached up, taking the blue razor into his hands,
"Don't be stupid." He laughed sadly, "What's it gonna solve?" And yet he didn't put it down, he watched the shimmer of the bathroom light reflect from the blade and sighed.
– –
He felt like a sick fool, taking apart the razor blade and tossing the handle into the trash, he felt like an idiot, using a pair of scissors to push the blade out, pushing the set of metal into his hand, three of them. One for now and two for hiding away when this sick little indulgence would be needed.
(Y/n) cocked his head, playing with one between his fingers. The (h/t) haired teen didn't know if he was able to do it, to paint strawberry gashes across his tan skin. He didn't think it was something he had the heart to do.
He looked at the hanging clock, 3:30 in the morning, the precious few hours that the world was dead.
He beat his head against the wall, not knowing what cutting would solve but not known if there was a reason not to, there was little in the world that would care if he did.
(Y/n) bit down on his lower lip, taking the silver blade into his fingers, sliding it across his wrist.
He took in a sharp breath, oh God it hurt... the stinging pain and the hot water hitting the very fresh wound.
But it felt so good... it relieved him to bleed, to watch his crimson life pour away.
So he did it again...
And again...
And again...
– –
He cried, he screamed into his pillow at what he did, but he knew deep down that he wasn't going to throw the blades away. he had tapped them under the sink, a place no one looked since Aizawa didn't really check the dorms. He knew for a fact the Katsuki wouldn't look.
He heard the shuffle of his friend waking up, wondering why, it wasn't even 5... still much too early for Katsuki to wake..
He shoved his head into his pillow, unable to stop the shake of his shoulders as he let the tears fall, though he did try to stay as quiet as humanly possible.
– –
Bakugo was confused, he remembered not closing his doorbbefore going to bed, he also remembered turning the AC up however it felt too hot and humid for what he put. He walked out and glanced to (Y/n)'s room, suddenly understanding why everything was different, the boy finally decided to come home.
He made his way to the door, opening it silently and seeing (Y/n) shaking badly. He almost wanted to reach forward, to embrace him and cease his unhappiness but the only thought in his mind was old disgust.
He had listened to (Y/n)'s confession of sinful love and at first he had been disgusted. There had to be something seriously wrong with (Y/n) to even feel that way!
He had stayed away from (Y/n) for months before he had begun to miss his best friend, the only person he truly trusted... but by that time (Y/n) had plowed it into his own mind that Bakugo didn't want him any longer so Bakugo didn't move anywhere close to him.
Perhaps something in his heart wanted him to be disgusted and offended by this all. Something telling him he should be, that he was sick and horrid for feeling such a way.
So he stayed away, he ignored the boy, and in turn (Y/n) drew away.
And Bakugo knew it was all his fault. He had pushed the boy away and (Y/n) was the one truly suffering.
He stepped away, seeing him cry. He couldn't handle the truth of his own actions.
He got his slippers on and walked downstairs to get something to drink and maybe a midnight snack. He smiled and bent down to pet the feline. "He can't be that upset... He's dramatic." He sighed, running a tired hand through his hair.
He needed a shower.
– –
"What's going on with you and (Y/n)?" Kirishima asked, he sat on the bed in Bakugo's room, watching his old friend work away.
"What do you mean?" Bakugo asked absentmindedly, making steady adjustments to his punching bag, for some reason it couldn't stay chained to the ceiling.
"I mean..." he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You used to talk about him all the time, now it's like you don't even have a bestie anymore. How is he? Is he sick or something?"
Bakugo stood tiredly, pausing to think. How was (Y/n)? Was he feeling alright? He looked a little thinner... he wore long sleeves lately but Bakugo brushed it off as fall attire.
"I... he's fine, I mean, I've been so busy, I haven't spent much time with him." He hadn't spoken to anyone about what (Y/n) confessed. He didn't feel anyone would understand like he had but then again he hadn't either, he wasn't understanding at all.
Kirishima rose a well done brow, he didn't believe him in the slightest. "He used to come around a lot too... we've missed the little punk around..."
"Can we just talk about something else?" Katsuki snapped, still having flashbacks of seeing the boy cry in a silent suffering. Kirishima stepped back, he hadn't expected him to snap like that.
He stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets, putting his weight on his left sight. "Do you really think it's all okay?" He asked, "You're tense and no one has even seen him... have you even seen him?"
"Of course I do.. I see him ever day, Kirishima." he groaned tiredly, didn't he have anything else to talk about?!
"I don't think you do... cause I saw him yesterday when I was driving up here... kid looks like a corpse..."
He walked out, wanting whatever was happening to end. (Y/n) was sick, Katsuki was getting crueler by the day and he knew it could only have something to do with one another.
– –
Katsuki was in rare form that day, he stormed up to his room, tossing his book back onto his bed and nearly kicking Mochi as he passed.
(Y/n) heard him come in after he had gotten out of the shower. The younger shaking a bit at what he had done, more slices in his pale skin, more blood dripping down his skin... more hatred for himself and everything his heart beat for.
He dried himself off quickly, shaking as he stared at his sleeve, the black fabric stained with his blood.
He walked out of the bathroom, his towel around his head like a turban.
He stole a glance to his friend's room, wanting to speak, wanting to hear his voice and wanting his best friend back even if the man wasn't a lover to him, he wanted his family back.
Perhaps if he could only make it better, make Bakugo love him again.
"I... I was going to make dinner tonight Kachan , ya know in case you might get hungry later." He said softly. Katsuki didn't even look his way. He sighed and tried again.
"Whatever you want, I can cook..." He smiled slightly, hoping for some sort of reaction, they both knew (Y/n) couldn't cook to save his life. Perhaps Bakugo would laugh? Give him some sort of reaction.
"Or we could order out? It's going to rain I think but I'm sure we can make it to get something?"
Katsuki didn't say a word but something had changed, his fist was closed. (Y/n) cocked his head. "'Kachan?" he asked softly before an explosion went off in his face.
(Y/n) jerked back, letting out a cry of shock. Bakugo sat up in his bed, his arm still outstretched. He used his quirk against (Y/n). It didn't hit but even during his angriest times Bakugo never used his quirk.
"K-Kachan?" He whispered shakily, scared now. This wasn't like Katsuki.
"Just shut up!" The elder barked, making (Y/n) jump.
"W-Wha-"
"SHUT UP!" Bakugo screamed, setting off another explosion. "Just shut the hell up!"
(Y/n) stared in utter shock and horror, Bakugo was calm! Bakugo was kind! Well at least to him he was. This wasn't like him... it...
It was all (Y/n)'s fault.
The younger was crying even if he didn't realize it, tears dripping down his cheeks. Katsuki was glaring at him like the boy was the scum of the Earth and to (Y/n), well he was.
"I-I'm sorry!" He sobbed.
"Yeah like sorry's gonna cut it! Don't you get it?! I don't care! I don't want some... some... faggot freak for a friend! Just go!" Bakugo screamed, letting out every bit of rage he had out.
Or thought he was suppose to feel... everyone said homosexuality was wrong, disgusting, (Y/n) was sick...
But was it sick when Katsuki felt the same? Somewhere deep inside his heart? He knew he felt it, seeing (Y/n) like this, his eyes large, lips parted, cheeks stained with tears. It was all Bakugo's fault...
– –
(Y/n) was shaking violently, he couldn't bring himself to sob, standing there frozen in shock of Bakugo's rage. "I-I..." He flinched when his friend lifted a hand, afraid that this explosion might reach him.
He finally got the chance, standing up, pushing past the clothes on the floor and past the sleeping cat. He was scared.
He ran, he ran as fast as he could, pushing the door to the school open.
Katsuki's chest heaved as he breathed, unable to believe what had just happened. He scrambled to his feet, rushing to the window to see (Y/n) shove people passing by, running as fast as his legs would go.
He was gone...
Bakugo put a hand over his mouth, stumbling to the bathroom and puking.
He felt sick. He felt dead inside.
He had broken (Y/n).
– –
He found the perfect spot, above the world he had begun to hate. He was alone there just like he knew he always would be.
He ran to a parking garage that the city needed to tear down but hadn't had the time to. He couldn't run anymore, he couldn't breath, he couldn't see a single thing, tears filling his eyes to the brim.
He heard his cell phone ringing over and over again. He didn't care who it was, it wasn't like he was going to be around much longer for anyone to talk to him anyway.
He flew up to the very top level, crumbling to his knees as he screamed into the floor.
He was a freak.
He wasn't wanted.
Bakugo didn't love him any longer. How could he?
He curled up into a ball, screaming and crying and loosing his mind as his cell rang.
He rose a shaky hand to see who it was. Katsuki's name lit up and he pressed the answer button.
'(Y/n)!?' The elder cried, '(Y/n) where are you? I'm sorry... I'm so sorry!'
(Y/n) glared at the screen, what nerve did Bakugo have to call him now? '(Y/n)?! Come on! Where are you?!'
The younger pressed the 'End call Button and threw his phone on the ground violently, the screen shattering.
"Leave me alone." He whispered, He began to wonder how long it took a person to bleed out. He knew they talked about it in Biology when a suicidal girl asked. It upset him that he couldn't remember the time frame he would have. It would have almost been a comfort to him.
He curled up in a ball on the disgusting ground, pulling his razor out of his pocket, hissing as the blade ran across his fingers. For a moment he admired the crimson beauty.
He heard someone screaming his name... who was it? Did he really care?
No... no he didn't.
He laughed softly as he drug the blade across his wrists, over and over across the vein. He wanted to bleed.
He wanted to die.
His phone rang again and again, Bakugo searching frantically.
(Y/n) took the phone, answering it with a weak smirk.
"(Y/n)! I'm coming! Okay? Please don't-"
"Shut up." the younger commanded, hadn't Katsuki said enough? He knew what the elder wanted... he wanted (Y/n) gone, that what he had said, hadn't it?
"(Y/n)?! Talk to me please!"
"Y-You're distant..." (Y/n) whispered, the world slowly going dark, it wasn't that dark out... why did it hurt so much? Was this death? "Cold..." He said, Bakugo holding his phone close, trying to find him and cursing the many levels of this damned garage.
"(Y/n)..."
"I-I don't know what I did... b-but..." He took a shaky breath, it was getting harder as he drug the blade across his left wrist, his right already bloody and damaged beyond repair. "I-I'll leave you alone... if... that's what you ... want..."
"NO! (Y/n)! That's not what I want! Please!"
(Y/n) saw the elder man standing on the level he was on, the tiny (h/t) eyes slowly dropping closed. "That's... what... Kachan ... wants."
He didn't get to hear his friend call for recovery girl. He didn't get to hear the screams... the world faded away...
Cold was all he felt.
– –
Bakugo stayed beside the younger, holding his deathly pale hand, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Had (Y/n) always looked this pale? Had he always been this skinny? Had his ribs always been sticking out or was this part of what happened?
"I'm so sorry..." Katsuki sobbed, holding onto his friend like a lifeline however it was ironic. Saying sorry didn't solve anything, wasn't that what he had screamed at (Y/n)?
(Y/n) had tried to kill himself and it was all Bakugo's fault.
He caressed the boy's cheek. Momo was still trying to get down there. She had been about two hours away at a friend's house for the night. He had called her as soon as they got (Y/n) to recovery girl, it took a while to just get him stable. Now that he was Bakugo could only sit there and silently scream, knowing (Y/n) had been in this pain for months and it was all Bakugo's fault.
(Y/n) had been in love with his best friend and Bakugo  pushed him away, pushing back his own feelings for his childhood friend.
He had wanted to settle down with a nice woman, have a family, a normal life... all the while hiding his desires for (Y/n).
He heard Kirishima talking to the people at the front desk. He told them that he was going to get food for Katsuki and to call his friends.
The elder leaned over and kissed (Y/n)'s forehead, shaking. "Please... please be alright... please wake up... please love me again..." he begged to a boy who couldn't hear him.
He pushed (Y/n)'s (h/c) locks out of his face, wanting to scream at how his cheeks were sunken in, circles under his eyes. He had done all this, he forced (Y/n) to depression. To cutting. To suicide.
"I promise... you'll wake up and we're all gonna be here, we're gonna go home and you're gonna get all better. You're gonna get bigger and more beautiful than ever and I'm going to love you... don't you get that? I love you." He said softly, leaning down to kiss his lips. "I love you."
But nothing happened, this wasn't sleeping beauty and (Y/n) didn't wake up with love's first kiss.
The monotone beep made Katsuki cry even louder, knowing (Y/n) was dead to the world right now.
"Please..." He begged, "Wake up..."
"I love you."
——————————————-
BIIIIIIIITCH THIS WAS A LOT OF WRITING
hope you enjoyed the first part
Part two is done and ready to posted and will be up and ready to read later tonight
Alright my lovelies peace, love, and anal lube✌🏾😘