★Please... cherish me★ | Yoosung x Reader

Cuddles: when you're lonely

You sat on your bed, back hunched over your phone while the harsh light strained your eyes in the dark. The message in front of you had pierced your heart, but the pain had not yet bloomed through your chest as it usually did during nights such as these. Those words that had been weary and distrustful - words that you had convinced yourself were entirely true - had poisoned your intent to reconnect with friends you had lost touch with.

I still care about you, but I've given up trying to reach you.

You visualised the look of disappointment that would have been etched into your friend's face as they formed their reply to your very desperate attempt to reconnect after spending many anxiety-ridden nights much like this, wondering whether you deserved to ask for their friendship again. Not just to those you had already undoubtedly disappointed, but to others who you would disappoint in the future.

One part of you whispered that it wasn't your fault, but every time that voice would arrive, a louder, harsher voice would quash it. You do not deserve compassion, it told you. You have brought this on yourself.

"I'm... I'm so lonely." Upon admitting it to yourself, tears readily began to flow; eyes already throbbing and red from the anguish that tormented you. I don't deserve to feel sad about it. I don't deserve to complain about loneliness. I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve kindness! I don't... I don't deserve...

Your body turned and your eyes guiltily shifted to the disheveled figure snoring lightly under the covers behind you. The one light. Now you could understand in part how Rika had felt. How she had felt when she compared V's love to the sun. Because Yoosung, he was your sunshine - his kindness and compassion were unending - unrelenting.

"You should cry when you feel sad, Jagiya. Don't hold it all in. I'm here, and I'm always going to support you. If you have any weaknesses then I want to help you through it, just like you did for me. I'm always here Jagiya." The smile that followed enveloped your body in warmth. For that moment, you had never felt safer.

Shuffling closer so you could get a glance at his face - the moonlight streaming across his messy golden hair - you carefully let your fingertips brush across his cheek, the warmth of his skin easily transferring to yours, taking the edge off the bitter cold in your hand. He was always so quick to offer consolations. He would leap up to help you like an eager puppy at any given moment. Yoosung always tended to you with such warm care, his kindness reflected in his violet eyes; always staring at you until the moments when you forced yourself to look away with burning cheeks.

Such a sincere person... How could you say that you deserved his love? Yet even though you knew it, even though you could give yourself a million reasons why you had brought this feeling to yourself and why you alone should bear it - it still couldn't stop you from craving the touch of another, the hug of a friend, or the embrace of your beloved boyfriend.

A whimper escaped your lips, and your hands fled to cover the sound too late, only going so far as to coat your palms with your tear-stained cheeks.

The covers began to move.

"Mmm... Jagiya...?" The sound of his voice, still groggy from sleep made your head throb.

You tried to wipe your nose quickly, speaking in a whisper so he couldn't hear you had been crying.

"Yoosungie," you brushed stray golden hair away from his face, but then swore quietly when you realised they were still damp with your tears.

His eyes shot open, the sleepiness gone from his features in less than a second and he sat up, squinting to study your face without the aid of his glasses.

"You've been crying...!" He reached out to cup your cheek but you flinched and his hand dropped back to the duvet like lead. Even in the dark you could tell he was hurt by your rejection.

But it was better this way.

I don't deserve anyone. You told yourself those words firmly, and somehow you didn't immediately throw your arms around your boyfriend with reassurances that you were fine.

Instead, all you could do was watch him, knowing that the guilt was all across your face.

"MC?" There was no mistaking the panic in his voice. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

Why are you being so nice to me, even after I hurt you? The tears you had tried to stopper came back, your shoulders shaking as you wept and wailed - no longer able to keep the pain you harboured silent.

Please leave me alone. That same harsh voice from before was now quieter, and pleading.

"I love you!" The other voice pushed through, forming the words you had said so many times up until now but had never been so hard to say.

"I'm sorry that you have to deal with m-me," you sobbed, covering your face with your hands. "I'm s-so sorry. I don't deserve you or anyone, but I love you anyway and I don't know what to do..."

Warm arms wrapped you up and pulled you close. You didn't know how long you sat in his embrace, soaking his t-shirt with your tears, but you took some solace in the safety you felt, and the light scent of sweat that kept you grounded.

"I'm here, Jagiya," he whispered into your hair, his voice cracking as he tried to keep his own tears in check while he held you. "I told you to cry when you felt sad, and I'd always be here. I'll always be here. And you deserve every bit of happiness that reaches you... I want you to be happy MC - I want us to be happy, together. You say you're undeserving, but I've never met someone more deserving of happiness than you. Have more faith in yourself, Jagi."

For a few more minutes you cried, but your tears were softer and eventually shrunk into sniffles against the damp fabric of his shirt. When your eyes were finally dry, and your head throbbed in pain, you finally met the eyes of the person who had held you through it all.

Despite his own puffy eyes, his smile was as kind and bright as it always had been.

"Are you feeling better?"

You took a shaky breath, trying to recall a word to describe how you felt.

Tired.

Very tired.

You nodded, which caused him to lace your fingers together and raise the back of your hand to his lips, pressing a firm kiss on skin. He took the time to tuck you back into bed, placing your discarded phone on the bed stand, face down. The moment he slid back into bed, you instinctively snuggled up to him, placing your head on his chest as you had a thousand times before - the action in itself therapeutic and soothing to your heart.

Just as you felt your consciousness slipping, you felt him press a kiss to your forehead, "Goodnight, jagiya."

Your heart was safe again.

For now.