What Lies Lies Inside

Entry 1

I don't know how to start, but I'm guessing like this:

Dear Diary,

It's-a-me Mario. Well, I wish it was. I'd rather go and save Princess Peach right now.

It's currently April 20,

so 420,

aayyeeee.

Heads up, I'm not high, I don't have to be high to be all over the place. It's just a skill I've been working on for a while now.

April 20, I have 1 more month of high school left. April 20, I still don't have my ACT scores where I want them.
April 20, I don't have any scholarships.
April 20, I haven't decided my major.
April 20, I realized, I'm screwed.
April 20, yup, I'm quite fucked, as we in the boujee hood would say, or so I think they'd say.

Hey, I have 1 more month left, I can still find stuff. I mean, I do have a 4.0 gpa and I am graduating 3rd in my class.

Oh but do question, does any of that really matter?

According to most scholarship offers from the only 4-year university I got accepted into, nope. My class rank or perfect gpa isn't what they want, they want my ACT/ SAT scores. My dumb ass also only took the ACT and not the SAT cause people told me it was easier. How the fuck would I know, I never took the SAT to have the chance to even compare it.

Y'all could say, "gorl, why don't you just retake the ACT, dumbass." Well, I have. 6 times. My highest was the 6th time.

So let us commence to singing that Taylor Swift song:

"I don't you about you, but I got a twenty-two-ooh-ooh. "

My 22 ain't gettin me shit.

I also bet you can see why. I suck, not dick, but with writing, math, reading, dance, make up skills, social skills, and all that shit society would prefer I'm completely capable of. To sum it up, I'm an unpopular, think-she's-smart-when-she's-really-not, salty-ass, ugly-ass senior who is completely lost. So please do ask how I'm doing. I won't tell the truth but try.

Okay so, imagine me walking through the mall and a person who knows me greets me and do all that socializing stuff. It kind went like this:

Person with a smile: Hey, how are you?

Me: I'm great. How about you?

Did you see that?
Did you fucking see that?
Of course I'm fucking great, I'm just dying inside is all.

Sometimes the people around you, even with their brightest smiles and seemingly problem free lives aren't always okay, so ask.

I don't have the courage to say how I feel. I never really have. So, I want to write it. Be good to me diary, they world really hasn't been.

Sincerely,

Sapphire