The reason behind it is you

Chapter 86

The talk that should've happened

"Well the truth is it's hard to feel safe with you."

"Okay.."

"Okay?"

"I will have to work harder then to make you feel safe." Petra reassures JR.

"I think we should talk it out, lay it all out on the table. I want you to be open with all the doubts and thoughts you have about me, us, so we can enjoy our relationship again without the broken trust barrier holding us apart." Petra says slipping her hands into JR's giving her a genuine smile.

"I would love to." JR smiles back tilting forward just so that their lips aren't touching but close enough for their foreheads to gently lean against one another.

It's been a while since Petra spent time in JR's apartment it's all so familiar yet so strange given their current relationship situation. It used to be a happy place with happy memories now it feels tense and Petra is not gonna let it stay that way by the time she leaves tonight, if she leaves. Petra takes place next to JR on the couch full body facing each other. This conversation is gonna be rough for both of them. Petra will have to accept and deal with the unfortunate things her girlfriend thinks of her and their relationship that has been damaged by Petra herself. JR well she will have to be vulnerable and open about everything she has been dealing with inside of her head trying hard to surpress the urge to drop it all because rekindling the lack of trust thanks to the huge damage seems almost hopeless, but she will try for the sake of her heart that apparently can't let go of the pretty blonde in front of her.

"I don't know where to start..." JR looks down to her hands in her lap fidgeting.

Petra takes JR's resting hands in hers and locks eyes, "I'll start then. Please be as brutally honest as you usually are, this is important to clean my conscience and your old now untrue bad image of me. I lied to you when I shouldn't of and you lost your license and your trust in me. I'm sorry I really am and believe me I'm not stupid enough anymore to make such mistake as losing you ever again you just have to have faith in that. I lied all my life, I had to. My mother taught me to lie to get my way, I didn't know life any other way. I used to think relationships are nothing but a way of income and other ways of benefiting me and my mother, so I did with you what I did with anyone else before you but then I fell in love with you. I had a plan... well my mother and sister screwed me over and I had to protect my kids and yes I would do it again. The second I knew I was going to possibly be framed for murder I couldn't let that happen, not for my kids nonetheless I never thought I would lose something as precious as our relationship in the process. Who knows what my mother would have done with them... It's enough that she messed me up with her being who she is, she is not going to do that to my kids and that's when you came into play, my way out. Your plan was it to frame me and my plan was it to have you get me out of this and well it would have worked out perfectly if I wouldn't have fallen for you. I went through with my plan and saved my kids and well me, but I also lost something just as treasureable and that was you. I didn't have much of a choice it was either you or my kids and by the time I could have confessed I was already in too deep to confess. In too deep with the lie and in too deep with being in love with you. I didn't want to lose my kids or you. I felt guilty, I still do and I probably will feel guilty until you can trust me again because all of this is my fault. Well then you came back and shot Milos without thinking twice, defending me just like I did for my daughters. Maybe you can get behind what was going through my head at that time since...?"

By the end of Petra's rant there were tears streaming down JR's cheeks. Petra was so in the moment of saying the right things she didn't notice that she was holding onto JR's hands for dear life.