A Blog to Find You

Blog Post - 1

Do you remember the day we meet?

How cold and rainy that afternoon was and how warm and cozy the coffee shop felt? The place where I first saw you, through my HUGE glasses full of little rain drops... Now they are full of tear drops. I wish they were just like that day, because all the water on them didn't stop me from seeing you, right in front of the coffee counter.

I still wear those same glasses. The ones you always said that would fit me so well. I still believe you're the only one that thought that. I always hated them and I still do. That's why I just keep wearing them when I'm doing my homework, studying or writing this blog. They help me writing this posts in some way... At least I believe so. They remind me of you, the reason why I'm writing all this here. Everyday.

You said I should keep writing and blogging. That I should follow my passions. In that moment, I thought that's what I was going to do, but I also imagine you by my side all the way long. But you're not here anymore. Suddenly, all that dreams became meaningless.

I learned something because of that. We grow up and people expect us to be able to take care of ourselves. We are not kids that cry so all the adults can hear them and go solve what's wrong in their little world. We learn to hurt in silence. We feel like people around us don't want to hear our crying anymore, because that would be childish and would bother other people's lives. That's why people have friends, best friends. Someone to hear them. The right friend can make you feel loved, stronger, happier, braver... Oh god. That was just how you made me feel. You're the only one who could make me talk about EVERYTHING. Everything good and bad, so I didn't have to keep all those things to myself. You were always a good listener. But without you, I'm here hurting in silence.

For a long time, right after you left... When you left me here, in the silence, I thought I wouldn't make it. I was hurting in silence, more than ever. My head was so confused. Why did you leave town? Why did you leave me? Am I not enough? So many questions... Everything soon started not making any sense. I didn't find much sense about my life at that time... And then things were disappearing from my mind. The pain made me forget about what happened... About us... And then I realized that I didn't know why I was hurting anymore. I think I'm still trying to remember all of that.

Trying to remember all these things makes my head ache, along with my heart. I'm trying to get my memories piece by piece, no matter how bad it hurts. I think it's the only way to pick up the pieces of my heart as well. That's why I'm writing to you now. I don't know where you are, but I'm doing it on this blog. I'm trying to find some sense about what happened. I need to understand how I felt and why I feel like this right now, so I can move on. I feel like there's something missing and it's still hiding in the back of my mind.

So, I'm really not writing this blog for you. I'm doing it for me, so I can find all that's left of you in my head... in myself...

I want you to be a memory... A good one. That's why I need to find you.