"This is a sort of confession for me. It took me a long time to work up the courage to finally tell you, so I hope you won't be too harsh with your judgment.
"You won't judge? That's a lie.
"Or maybe not.
"If you don't judge, then you're probably crazier than me...Though that's unlikely.
"'Hurry up' you say? I'm sorry. This is just a little hard for me.
"Hey, now, okay. Don't get mad. I'm sorry.
"I guess that should be where I start.
"'I'm sorry.' It's such a normal phrase that most people don't notice it. In my case, I think I need to use it more.
"Or less?
"It's strange. I don't say 'sorry' that often really, but when I do, it is always to the same people, my friends. There's only one actually, so it doesn't appear in my normal vocabulary. I do say it every day, but it's only to her, my only friend.
"I just said it to you? Well, yes I did, but you don't truly exist, so I doubt it counts.
"She, on the other hand, is a different story. I want to please her, you see. I don't want her mad at me. I want her to like me, so I find myself apologizing to her even when I'm in the right.
"I can't afford to lose her. She is the only one to keep me sane right now.
"My family? Ahh, yes...It's not as if they are dead, but I don't like being myself around them. They have expectations of me, and my 'real' self doesn't really match with that. I might be fake, but I make them proud. You can see why I can't go to them for help.
"Anyways, this girl, she's kinda like the sun for me. When I'm stuck in the mud, when depression has captured me, she can appear, and her smile will make it all go away.
"No, I don't 'love' her, at least not really. I've told her I loved her, but that was a lie. I just want her to be near me. I need her to be there for me if I ever break down, and I thought, at the time, that tying us together with a romance would do that. She rejected me, but I don't really mind. That is but life.
"I know. I know. I sound a little creepy, but you need to understand. I've never met someone else like her, someone who's mere smile can save me. I don't want her to forget me.
"What do I mean? Well, I don't know how to explain it, but people forget things, right? So, it's only natural that someone would forget me. I know that, but I don't like it. I don't like people forgetting me. 'Why?' Ha... Isn't it simple? I don't want to be alone. If everyone forgets me, who would I be? What would I be? Human? Or, just a ghost?
"It doesn't make sense. I didn't think you would understand. It's just my irrational fear, but it's how I feel.
"That's just how I am.
"...
"'Did you really not love the girl?' Good question. I didn't. She was my savior and all, but that doesn't mean I fell for her. I doubt I can really fall in love, honestly.
"Why do you look so perplexed? Many people feel this way.
"My reason?
"Let me think.
"...
"It's probably because I hate people too much.
"I hate every last one of those monster we call humans.
"Including myself of course. Oh! Also, that girl.
"What? I said she was my savior, but I never said I didn't hate her.
