i just suck at love apparently

October 7, 2017 at 11:57 PM

What happened between us? There was something way wrong before the Jake situation, but you wouldn't talk to me. I tried so many times to reach out to you, but my arm got tired. I lost track of how many nights I spent wide awake because I was crying over you, our relationship, everything. I don't know what I did wrong. Your mom keeps mentioning the night we talked on the phone, and that might be it, but I thought we were okay. After that you were distant. I tried, I tired so hard, but my heart couldn't take it any longer. I wrote this shit out in notes because I couldn't start a conversation with you. I need to move on. I'm scared if you want to come back into my life. What if you do, I'll let my guard down again and be hurt. So many nights like tonight where I feel in the wrong, but I don't know why. No explanation. I lost Audrey, then you, then Jake. The people I thought were close left in an instant. I'm hurting so much, but I don't think you even notice. I smile, but can you even tell that it's fake. I miss you Zach, but I know if I let you back into my life you are going to hurt me again. I am so sorry