Lost

Later

"Daddy! It's my birthday! Wake up!" Jaylon jumped in the bed. "Ok, let Daddy sleep for five more minutes, since you're turning five." I smiled watching the sunshine in his eyes fill his face. "No! Get up! I gotta wake everybody up Daddy." He slid from the bed and ran out the room.

"Jayson, Jaylon, and Jaylah-"
"Why my name have to be last? Ladies first Daddy." Jaylah babbled. "Anyways, we are going to a very special place today!"
"Oooo! Is it the race car track!" Jaylon jumped.
"Brooom brooom!" Jayson added.
"No! We are going to- hmmm...Daddy where we going?"
"Calm down little ones." I smiled as they couldn't even sit down in one spot. "We are going to Disney World!"
"Yaay! It has princesses and animals! Right?!"
"Yes babygirl." I smiled picking her up.
"And race cars that go fast!" The boys ran with their little arms out running around in circles making car noises.
"Let's go upstairs and get ready for today." I smiled as we walked to their rooms.
"Lana, can you help Jaylah get washed up and dressed?"
"Yessir." She smiled taking her from my arms and we departed ways so I can help the boys.
"This is gonna be the best birthday ever!"

"Dad I'm going to the mall." Jaylah smiled waving her keys in my face. "Be careful, text me when you arrive." I smiled.
"Ok." Jaylah exist my office and I continued to type on my computer.
I looked at the picture on my desk and smiled. Can't believe the triplets are 15 already. Feels like yesterday when they were just in my arms crying to be changed.

Taking a cold, deep breathe, tingled my spine as I got up. I walked out into the hallway, down the hall, approaching the living room. "Hey pops!" Jaylon walked by with his keys in his hands. "Where are you going?"
"Well, Jaylah left her wallet so she wants me to bring it to her. Then I might grab me something to eat, want anything?"
"Just come home safely son." I nodded. "Alright, see ya dad."

I looked around at the empty house, now that my kids have left to go out. Looking at my phone I smiled seeing my daughter text. I messaged her giving her the thumbs up emoji.

You may ask, how I'm doing? After all these years since everything...how am I doing?
There's times I get lonely, times where I replay the same images in my head of the times I was happy with my family. Even looking my wife in the eyes taking her last breathe right in my arms. After 12 years you'll think I have learned to cope, move on, or whatever, but really I'm a mess. I haven't told the kids about anything, but I know I will have to soon. I try to prepare myself, however I just end up crying every time and I don't need my kids to see that. My heart is numb and I can't even find love. Doesn't matter how cute she is, how beautiful her smile is, I refuse to open myself to love any woman. After all, I'm still a married man.