Awakening (Awakening, #1)

Chapter 13

Whenever I'm near Violet and Elijah together, which isn't often, I always feel like I'm intruding on some sacred, delicate ceremony or ritual. There's a deep emotional rift between the two of them and it makes me uncomfortable. But mostly it makes me sad. I wish I knew or even remembered what it was like to be emotionally connected to someone the way Violet and Elijah used to be. The way her and the rest of the guys are. They're like a family. And I'm not even fully sure as to what a family is, but if I had to guess, I would be sure it's them.

And I'm so out of place among them all. I mean sure, they sometimes joke around and include me in the joke or say "Right, Jonah?" and when I just stare, they'll laugh and play it off like I didn't completely embarrass myself. It's nice of them to treat me like I'm not different. But we all know better.

I haven't eaten since that day with Violet. And I don't really want to. I don't like this new lifestyle; I can't adjust. I can feel the walls slowly closing in on me and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not even sure I want to. This feeling of being trapped is so overwhelming. There's no way to release any of this pent up steam that I haven't already thought of. Violet's so busy all of the time with house things and whatever. And she doesn't trust me to leave on my own. I hate having to be supervised all the time like I'm some child.

When in fact I am a partially immortal vampire. That sentence shouldn't even exist. The only thing that really felt good was biting into Elijah's arm. That sounds crazy weird; I can't believe I could think something like that. But I do. It was so invigorating, it was such a rush...I even got a tiny bit of his blood in my mouth. And I'll just say werewolves taste nothing like how they smell at times...

I shake the thought away. Get it together! I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't. I can't. I can't.

"Hi," I already know the voice and the feel of the hand on my shoulder. It's crazy how if I were in a crowd of thousands of people I would know where Violet was. I would be able to pinpoint her out of an entire herd of people.

"Hi." I say more stiff than I meant to.

"Is there something you maybe wanted to know or ask me?" she says. "I feel like you're distancing yourself. And you don't need to do that. You're one of us." For some reason this makes me infuriated. Before I know what I'm doing, I have her by the shoulders and up against some nearby tree. I've been outside all day; it's where I feel safe and at peace.

She doesn't make a sound, she just looks at me with a leveled gaze. She's not afraid of anything. "You should be terrified. You should be trying to claw my eyes out." I take my hands off of her but she catches them and gently puts them back on her shoulders. I'm deeply confused at this gesture. I don't want her to be afraid of me but I feel like she should. Especially given the back-story of our ancestors and what my new-found kind had done to hers. And yet she isn't.

With my guard suddenly down, she gains the upper hand and next thing I know we're reversed, and I'm against the tree and she's face to face with me now. She's a few inches shorter than I am and she manages to be a little bit intimidating. I watch her and she watches me.

"You need to wake up. Wake up and realize what you are. How great you are. You can easily overpower anyone in this house. And yet you don't. We are who we are right now, here, in this moment. And guess what? Monsters don't get to live happily ever after. And that's just what each and every one of us are. In our own ways, we're all a little crazy and insane. But I'll tell you what. In the end we're all a family. And you are apart of it."

I take too long to respond because her words wash over me like a heavy ocean current whisking me away, out to sea. I'm drowning in her speech to me. It made me feel overwhelmingly special and it feels indescribable to know someone feels that way about me. I'm not a burden to Violet. She cares. I was nothing but foolish to think otherwise. She's abandoned everything she's been taught about people like me. And she let's me stay with her and her pack under her own roof.

I'm so overwhelmed with emotion, I don't try and stop myself from planting her back against the tree once again, her body fitting so perfectly with mine. I don't try and stop myself from kissing her with every ounce of my cold, dead heart and soul. We're so different. And yet so alike. I feel so many unspoken promises and secrets behind that kiss. And in this moment I'm ready for anything. I will protect her before I even think about myself. My hand finds her lower back and we both deepen the kiss.

And neither one of us even dreams of pulling away.