Imaginary letters

M,

I wanted so much to love you. There are parts of me who wanted to love you forever, for you to be the One. Me Eva and you Adam. I lied to you that I read that book so many times that I finally read it. I imagined that we will have 7 years to love each other, that we lost in this life but we will meet again in the next life. But you weren't the One.
I created impossible scenarios in my head because I desired a love that would consume me, raw passion, betrayal, fights and sweet reconciliation.
We found each other by accident. Me- pure image of naivete, you- pessimist wannabe with a lot to say. I thought this is how it was suppossed to be, that we should argue simply because we could. That you would break up with her because no one was like me- the pure one quoting philosophers that I didn't understood. I still probably don't know what they mean. I started to read Cioran for you because that would impress you and you would choose me, that I was the One. But I wasn't.
I believed everything you said, all the meaningless lies and all the dates that were going nowhere. I waited, I humiliated myself because this is what you do for the One. He was going to save me, understand me and love me.

And so it begins.

You told in a godforsaken bar that I matter, that what we have is special. What I always wanted to hear you were saying between Metallica accords and mulled wine. I didn't like to drink but I did anyway because I was a chaos standing in front of perfection. You took my hand and kissed between snowflakes. My lips were cold, but I felt how everything in me was burning. I kinda forgotten what a kiss felt like.
You took my hand and started to walk towards what I thought it was Us, with nobody standing between- we fnally found each other, two souls that are searching for one another in every life.
The next day we went to the library. I was so nervous, my stomach was in knots, my knees were trembling. Nobody ever invited me to a library to read, we really were soulmates. I felt so inferior when we were together, you were an encyclopedia, teaching me all about your favorite writers, poems and history.
The days past without knowing when or how, I was so dizzy and crazy in love with you. Everything collapsed what you said that you cannot trade certainty with unceartainty. I became unceartainty. But we have searched each other all those other lives, I was the One, you finally found me after you searched for me forever. I was never the One.
You started to call me, saying we could be friends and I fooled myself into that. You were quoting me Nietzsche on the phone, but I only heard what I wanted, that maybe someday I will be again the One. We met after a couple of months, it was night and you kissed under the stars with the sea as our witness. You said I was the One, but still unceartainty was around us. I said that dies a little the ones who do not risk certainty for uncertainty. And you smiled.