Red Eyes

A cry for help

The floor. A cold steel. At least it felt that way against my skin. I had collapsed in a bundle of tears onto the harsh ground, it's rocky gravel digging it's way into my skin, my bones, my blood.
Perhaps it was smooth in actuality, after all, my insecurities had left myself numb. A numb victim to the overwhelming silence flocking around me; like a pack of vultures or hungry wolves picking on the helpless runt just to survive.

But surviving isn't really living, is it?

Not that it mattered. It felt like the end anyway. I heard my sobs grow louder and then shrink into nothingness every so often, like a high-pitched squeal awaiting an escape. My hands made an obscure mask over my face with a web of fingers catching the entrapped tears.

Trapped.

And this was my cage. The same place I grew up, the same place where I used to smile and laugh. But that's all just a faded dream now. A cry tried to escape my lips but a barrier in my throat blocked it. I struggled to breathe, my heart and head pounding to an unfamiliar rhythm. Choking on my own tears, I let my breathing return to normal.

Then an ache began to form.

My heart began to long for the comfort I never even had. A hole had been dug deeper than the wounds I wore proudly on my sleeve.  I move my loose fist over my chest and feel my heart race, sending a pulse, a signal of some sort, through my blood stream.

I smiled a little at the peace that came afterward. The rushing waterfall of tears had started to settle. My cup had overflowed, and now it was time to be strong again. With that want for bettering myself, I wiped the remaining tears from my eyes and began to stand up.

A strange pink glow illuminated my face; it brought a certain warmth to my skin. A wispy spirit of some kind floated about a foot in front of my face. It was small and appeared fragile, just like me. It's almost completely transparent body seemed as though it could shatter like glass, but at the same time it looked like a balloon. Like it could float away from all it's troubles if someone was so careless as to let it fly free.

It smiled crookedly, it's whole body swaying from side to side, "I heard your cry for help."

I stared in bedazzlement. It's voice was calming, soothing, but it was also ghost like. Like it wasn't even there.

It tilted it's head, but never stopped with the swaying. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right.

"Is it true that you need help?"

The question hit me like a truck. Do I need help? I considered my break down from a few moments ago, and the truth finally sunk in. Perhaps I needed some means of escaping the reality I was living. Or perhaps I was blinded by my own self pity.

"Why?" My voice croaked. A broken record that refused to stop playing. "Why would you want to help me?"

The spirit frowned and it's swaying ceased. "Because I believe that the innocent deserve better."

I shook my head. I don't know why. Maybe because I didn't see myself as innocent.  Maybe because I was done with all of this. I laughed a little, this was ridiculous, "You can't help me anyway, you're wasting your time, go back to where you came from."

"But I can help you overcome your fears. You can live your life free of your mother," the spirit said.

I wore a puzzled look. My breathing became harsh and the buzzing in my head just got louder and louder and my fingertips tingled and my voice burned when I muttered the words, "How did you know about her?"

"I can make you a deal."

I bit my lip, my heavy breathing continuing through my nose.

"I can lend you my strength."

I perked up and stared into the dark pits of the spirit. They resembled eyes, and they had a friendly roundness to them.

"But in return, I need you to help me with something."

The spirit was vague with the details, there were mentions of a place the spirit used to call home, and a brief explanation of how I could be an influence and bring about change. I reluctantly agreed. After all, if I could become somebody, anybody, then maybe I could make the people I care about proud of me.

"Then it's settled, you'll help me with my job, and I'll give you the power you need. The so called 'escape' that you need."

"Can you really help me escape this reality?" I asked, the hint of a smile crossing my face.

"Absolutely."

A force, as strong as titanium yet as soft as an embrace, overcame my body. And a sense of control and security pulsed within my mind. 

Finally.

I am strong.