The rain felt great on my skin as I sat under the night’s sky. The light mist poured down on me as I lay facing the sky. The grass on the football field was wet from the rain but I didn’t care. I stared up at the stars that were scattered across the sky. It was like someone had just splattered paint across a canvas.
What’s the point in life? I wondered starring up at the sky. Do things happen for a reason? Are there consequences to our actions? Why do other people get to decide what is right and wrong? Why do they get to decide how we are punished and what we should be punished for? Maybe I ask too many questions.
I find myself spending a lot of time thinking about these things. Why am I alive? Is my future already planned out for me? When and how will I die? To me, my life is going nowhere. I’m smart. I make A’s in all my classes. Yet I still have no idea what I want to do in life. I don’t have things planned out already everyone else seems to. They want to go to college. They want to get married and raise babies. They want to save lives. I just live day to day.
The only productive thing I had done with my life so far was get a job. I hadn’t applied to any colleges or even really thought of going to one. “Why don’t you go to Auburn State like your sister?” my mom would ask.
The more my parents compared me to my sister the less I wanted to do anything. I didn’t want to be anything like my sister. Madison was selfish and rude more than she was anything else. She was a teacher’s pet, always trying to get the best grades by doing as little as possible. Madison always acted like she was a perfect straight A student that never missed school when our parents were around. While their backs were turned she partied and cheated on every test and paper she could get away with.
If that’s how my parents wanted me to be than I’m fine with just being who I am. I’m not perfect. I know I never will be. That’s okay. Everyone has their imperfections. I at least know what mine are and admit to them. I’m a petty thief just for the thrill of it. I skip school a lot and I don’t really have any aspirations in life. I figure things will fall into place and if they don’t I’m okay with that too. I’m going to do what makes me happy. I could care less about what makes everyone else happy.
What everyone else thinks about me doesn’t matter. Everyone is going to have a different opinion of me. What I should do with my life and so on. Everyone has a different opinion on almost everything really. So whose opinion is right? That’s something else I find myself wondering about.
This is the beginning of the end I thought picking up the light blue cap that was lying next to me on the grass. There was a golden yellow tassel hanging from it. I played with the strings of the tassel, “Class of 2011” the cold metal piece read. I pressed the metal in between my fingers as hard as I could. The impression of the letters stayed indented into my skin for a few moments.
The whole thing played in my head all over again. I could feel my long hair sticking to my neck from it being so hot and muggy outside. This is the reason I always wear my hair up I remembered thinking. They supplied us with a bottle of water under our chairs but it didn’t help much. I remembered my name being called and walking up the stairs to the stage. I shook the hand of the principle and took the fake diploma they handed out for show until after the ceremony was over. I could heard the clapping and whistling all over again. After it was all over everyone threw up their caps. Then they all scattered trying to find their friends and family as they flooded the field. It wasn’t long before the football field was filled with hundreds of people. They were all smiling laughing and posing for pictures.
My family was there too. They took pictures and my mom cried. It didn’t mean anything to me. I was now done with part of my life and I had no idea what the next step was. If anything I was scared. I’ve spent the past thirteen years of my life in school. Everyday had basically been planned out. Go to school during the week and then hangout on the weekends. What was I supposed to do now?
