A letter to my lost lover

To my lost lover

I fell inlove with you the way rain falls on the first day of summer, recklessy and unexpected. 
I fell inlove with the way you smile, the way your nose wrinkels up when you laugh, the way your eyes sparkle like a little boy's. I fell inlove with the way you use treat me, the way you use to hold me tight, the way you use to look at me. 

As soon as a girl starts to fall inlove, the anxiety sets in. She'll wonder where you are and with who. Be jealous of every  girl that looks at you. She will have the most overwhealming sadness and fear of losing you. She won't always tell you about them because she will feel it's not important, but she will always wonder if your heart doesn't belong to another.

My dear Lost Lover, I wanted you to show me the parts of yourself that you don't love so that I knew where to begin. You said you don't like yourself and that you feel dark, but my dear lover, you are beautiful. You're beautiful in a way that silence me, in a way that calms the oceans and lightens the gray clouds. You are more beautiful than what hurt you, more beautiful than the darkness inside of your thoughts. You are the yellow of the sun, the waves of the ocean, the daisies of the summer. You are perfect and no imperfections could ever prove me wrong.

I know you have your walls built up high around your kingdom and you keep them up with anger. Your anger never feared me, because beneath all that anger is fear, and beneath that fear is vulnerability. Anger is your only weapon, your only form of protection. I was there to help you, to calm you, to make you less angry because you didn't have to conguer the demons alone. The demons that wanted to take away your kingdom's most priced possesion, your love. I would've protected it with my life. The only thing I get to fight is the silence and the feeling in my chest I can't get rid.

My dear lost lover, I will spend a lifetime knowing the universe will bring us together no matter what it has to do. I will be laying still till one day you are next to me too. The thing is I will alwyas miss you, but your love is like the wind, I wont ever be able to see it, but I will always feel it. I need to hear you say you love me to my face and feel the warmth of your embrace. 

I will walk to were the wind can take me away, look at the clouds and wish for you with every star that I will see and I will fight every gush of wind for you that wil pass me. My dear, I want you to love me the way I love you, but boys never realize how much one little thing can hurt a girl. 

I know when I touch you it steals my warmth but I will still wrap my arms around you. I know you can burn me down to ashes but I still need your fire... I love you so much that even when you hurt me, I tried to understand you...