Light

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Brian ran a hand through his curly locks, a defeated sigh escaping his lips.  The typewriter he’d checked out from the school library was due back by ten, and it was already half past 8.  He looked down at the blank page in front of him, his elegant fingers poised over the keys. 

A gentle sob escaped him, taking him by surprise.  He wouldn’t cry, he promised himself.  After all, if PhDs were easy, then everyone would have one.  Isn’t that what his father had said?  In his exhausted, half-panicked state, the words brought little comfort. 

He rifled through his notes once more, hoping to organize his thoughts.  The latest draft of his Chapter Two was due to his Chair tomorrow, and with Queen taking off like it had and rehearsals, he just hadn’t put in the research like he should’ve.  Like he had wanted to. 

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes stinging, and began to type.  Slow and deliberate at first, then steadier as he found a rhythm.  He didn’t stop to think if it was any good; he just had to get something on the page.  Behind him, he could hear Freddie enter the flat and the shower start up.  In a few minutes, Freddie was singing, and it made him smile.     

Some time later, Brian felt warm arms snake around his neck, causing him to hit a wrong key.  He cursed at the mistake, but leaned into Freddie’s touch all the same. 

“How’s it coming my love?”  Freddie pressed his lips to his temple.  He smelled of strawberries, and his hair was still damp. 

“Slowly Fred.  Slowly.”  He tried to keep the stress out of his voice as he patted his arm, cursing himself as the corrector tape looked short on the roll.  Freddie’s eyes followed the typewriter as it backtracked on the paper.

“Did I do that, darling?  Oh I’m terribly sorry,” he said in that mischievous way of his that told you he really quite wasn’t.  He gave Brian another little squeeze. 

And that’s when Freddie saw the tears. 

“Oh, come here my love,” Freddie said as his warm brown eyes locked with Brian’s.  “You’ve been working entirely too hard.” 

Brian fell into Freddie’s warm embrace, burying his head in his shoulder.  “That’s just it Freddie.  I haven’t.  I haven’t worked at all on this.  I’ve been too busy with the band.  And I just feel so guilty.”

Brian sniffed as Freddie ran calming circles over his back, gently rocking him.  “Hush now,” he soothed. “Let’s go up top, yeah?  Just a smoke break, and then we’ll come back down and I’ll read you your notes while you type.”  Freddie had taken to smoothing Brian’s hair, and he had one curl wrapped around an index finger.  “Talk to me Bri.”

Brian only nodded, pulling away to look at Freddie with unabashed warmth.  Freddie grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the chair, leading him to the fire escape where they climbed the two flights to the roof of their flat.  It was a beautiful evening…the moon was a clear pale eye against the black canvas of the universe, and the misty clouds had lifted to reveal thousands of bright and twinkling stars against the night sky. 

They lay on their backs against the rooftop, feeling each other’s body heat, cigarettes like lightening bugs in the dark with their inhale and exhale.  No one said anything for a long time. 

“Do we take too much time away from your studies Bri?”

The question hit him like a punch to the gut.  He just lay there blinking in the dark for a half-second before reacting. 

“No, Freddie.  I never said that.  You know I love Queen.”

“I know you love us.  But I know how much this means to you,” Freddie said quietly. 

Brian exhaled, long and shakily.  “Yes, well I can do both.”  He knew, even when he said it, that he wasn’t sure. 

Freddie was quiet for a long time.

“So what’s due now?”

And Brian knew Freddie was talking about his thesis, the process of which he was well acquainted.  But he still felt the burden of oversharing.  The guilt of it all. 

Brian sighed.  “It’s part of Chapter Two.  The history of zodiacal light.”

Freddie took a drag on his cigarette, the end glowing red in the darkness.  “Tell me about it.” 

Brian smiled a little, looking at the night sky and all its infinite majesty.  “It’s…it’s the reflection of the sun off those dust particles I told you about.  The interplanetary dust.”  

“What your thesis is on.”

He huffed a little laugh.  “Right.”

“But you can’t see the zodiacal light except just before dawn…in the Northern Hemisphere, at least.”

Freddie seemed enraptured.  He stubbed out his cigarette and rolled over on his side so he could see Brian more clearly.

“What does it look like, Bri?”

When Brian looked at him, his eyes were alight with wonder in the full light of the moon.  His usual tan skin ethereal and otherworldly.  My fairy king, Brian thought in awe.

“It’s so beautiful Freddie."  He reached out and pushed a strand of hair behind Freddie’s ear, taking a moment to cup his face.  “It just glows.” 

Freddie's face broke into a wide smile, his eyes excited.  “I want to see it Bri.”  Freddie leaned in, giving Brian a soft peck on the lips.  “Stay up with me all night so we can see it.” 

Brian kissed him back, this time deeper, taking his time and relishing how Freddie leaned into the kiss.  “I still have to finish my submission,” he said a little breathlessly, pulling away from Freddie with regret.  Freddie nuzzled his neck.  “I’ll help you love.  I said I would.  And we’ll have breakfast under the stars as we wait for it.” 

Brian wrapped his arm around his as they walked to the fire escape.  “You know we may not see anything Fred.  The moon is out tonight, and sometimes that interferes with zodiacal light.” 

Freddie threw back his head and laughed.  “It doesn’t matter darling! Whether we see it or we don’t; we’ll make our own damn light!  Now let’s go write this paper,” he said with a cheeky grin.

And they both climbed down the fire escape laughing. 

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