The Last Kiss

Chapter 4

"I am sorry Neal!"

I only blinked.Not able to find the voice to answer her.

"I know you probably hate me after that night. And you most certainly should! But just know that Neal, I loved you and missed you. Your name was the only name on my lips.Always and forever. "

"Kiara I...."

"Hush Neal! Let me speak today", Kiara cut me mid sentence. "You know what is the most precious thing to me?" She looked at me questionably. When I turned up blank, she opened her fists and showed me what she was talking about.

"This pendant. It was my mom's.It is the only memory I have of hers." The crescent moon pendant was shining to its glory on Kiara's hand.

"But I don't need it anymore. " I looked up at Kiara puzzled. "I'll be with her now so I want you to have it. I am giving you my most precious thing Neal, keep it safe."

"But I don't want this pendant Kiara! I want you.You keep the pendant and stay here."

Kiara similed. "I can't Neal.I know you have many questions in your mind. This pendant will give you all your answers. But now, I have to go."

She planted a soft kiss on my forehead and before I could say anything she was gone.

"Kiara, don't! " I frantically tried to catch hold of her but my hands only caught empty air.

Thud!!

A loud noise woke me up.I opened my eyes and searched for Kiara everywhere. But I could only find gravestones around me.I was still in the bench in the graveyard. The moon was still shining bright and the stars were still dancing around it.The loud thud which brought me back to reality was the falling of the laptop from my unconscious hand. I pulled out Kiara's crescent moon pendant from my pocket and held it between my fingers.

And then it hit me!!

I frantically picked up the laptop from the ground and opened it.I keyed in "crescent moon" as the password and bingo!It opened.Kiara had saved a photograph of mine and hers together as her screensaver. I searched and scanned every file and folder. I didn't know what I was looking for but something told me the answers to all my questions were in this laptop.I couldn't find anything extraordinary. There were some home assignments, a couple of movies, some downloaded songs and many photographs of the bygone years.Just when I was about to give up, a folder caught my eye.It was named "The Last Kiss".I became curious and double clicked it.

       The Last Kiss

As I type in this my fingers hurt.It hurts so bad that I can't feel it anymore. Its like my whole body is on fire.But actually, its the inside of me which is burning and not the outside. I know the injection which has been injected in my veins to keep me going just a little longer will not work forever. And this "just a little longer" will not last long.I know the pain which is slowly taking over my body will eventually creep into my mind and soul and wipe it out of all emotions and feelings, leaving only pain and suffering in its place. I know the end is inevitable. But before all these happens, before this pain takes over my mind and soul I want to remember my first kiss one last time.Before I am deprived of all my feelings I want to feel the most special feeling again.Before I go numb I want to fall in love again!

I always had a thing for writing.I even dreamt of publishing my work someday.Though I've never shared this secret with anyone ,Neal somehow guessed it .That's the reason I suppose why he gifted me this laptop, so that I could atleast start from somewhere.But now, it seems I'll never be able to write anything more than this memo.Let alone publish anything.Writing this memo is just a feeble attempt to keep the most special moment of my life alive, relieving it one more time before I go to sleep forever.

My entire life has been a series of bad timings.The day I was told I too meant the world to someone was the day I got to know that my days in this world were lesser than I expected.I always knew I was dying but I never thought death would coming knocking on my doors just when I thought I found the reason to live .

The holidays in the city every christmas was anything but christmas holidays.As the world celebrated the birth of Jesus I lay unconscious in the hospital bed as the doctors tried what they could to keep leukemia out of my system.Every year during christmas I went to the city to flush out my cancer infected blood from my body and flush in fresh, healthy blood into the body.But the leukemia would come back into my system in a years time and I had to go through the process again.That was untill I got to know seven months back that my body has stopped responding and my days in this world had an expiry date.

I still remember the look on Neal's face, lit through the darkness as he wishpered the three magical words into my ears.He finally told me that he loved me.I didn't knew I was so desperate to hear those words untill Neal wishpered it softly for just the two of us to hear.My stomach was doing somersaults, my heart was high jumping inside my ribcage and every other part of my body was doing their own circus dance as I stood there in my blue dress ,that matched Neal's eye colour, under the full moon ,as he mouthed "I love you" between his breaths while we shared our first kiss.The kiss was gentle and soft at first but it grew passionate and strong, almost needy as I kissed him back with full force realising I couldn't suppress my love for him any longer.It was time for it to erupt and it indeed erupted ,like a fierce volcano burning all inhibitions and doubts and what ifs in the process. But alas! All good things must come to an end.The realistic me, the practical me had finally caught up.The love and passion that was fueling my heart had been replaced by fear instead.The fear and realisation that I was not meant to be loved hit me.I could clearly see that this fear in my heart was also mirrored in my eyes when I saw Neal's hurt expression.He couldn't find the love he was expecting in my eyes.All that he really could see was fear.And then came the phone call that confirmed all my fears.It was from dad.The reports had come.The doctors said I only had six months more to live.I couldn't take all this any longer.I dashed downstairs from the school terrace and ran straight to the parking lot.I knew Neal was following me, I knew he wouldn't give up so easily.My mind had stopped working, I just wanted Neal to leave me alone so the next thing what I did even shocked me.I kissed the next guy I saw in the dark parking lot.After I was sure Neal had seen me kissing another guy and was gone, probably for good, I saw the face of the 'other guy'.It was none other then Derek, Neal's one and only enemy.It was too late for me to undo things now.I had caused more damage then I desired. I made up a story of being too drunk to know what I was doing to Derek and tried to leave the scene as soon as possible.Thankfully, Derek believed me and let me go.

That night at the parking lot I saw Neal for the last time.Our first kiss had turned into our last kiss.I still cringe when I remember Neal's face, the look of betrayal prominent in his eyes , even in the dark.

I was taken my fever the next week.The beginning of my end had started.I wanted to see Neal badly but by then, he had flown out of town to be with Rhea, his ex-girlfriend. Apparently they had got back together and were a couple again.I tried my best to feel happy for Neal, afterall this is what I wanted.But try as much as I could I couldn't be happy.I missed him so much and all i wanted was to be something he missed.

The six months that the doctors gave me exceeded one month.Instead of six I lived seven months. But as I lay in the bed now, I can sense my time has arrived.I'l be gone in a week's time.

In my last moments of consciousness I remember the life of party I lived with Neal.I hated dancing but for him I agreed to go to the school dance because I loved his handshake when meeting my father and loved how he walked with his hands in his pockets.I know Neal would never forgive me and he probably shouldn't .I just wish someday when the sun is shining and the day is bright he'll understand me and he'l wish he had stayed.But I know I can plan for a change in weather and time but I can nevr plan on changing Neal's mind.I never thought we'd end like this.Neal's name will forver be the name on my lips, just like the last kiss...