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Liked by niallhoran, charlieputh, shawnmendes and 5,000,087 others zayn It's so hard writing this, I may even delete this post. Who knows how I will feel then, I just wanted to get this out of my chest. It's been 2 months since you went into coma. Today we were supposed to celebrate the release of my album, but this got cancelled because you are in coma. I want to know if you are dreaming and if it's me you're dreaming of.. I am standing here by your side, holding your still warm hand. I haven't left you once, I don't want to leave you, you mean the absolute world to me. I love you more than anything in this world and I'm not exaggerating. I love you Lili ❤️ I remember taking this picture. We were in the studio, you had just got back from an interview and you told me everything about it, about this boy Thomas was his name I think, how this boy made you feel happy and proud of yourself... I took this picture while you were listening to one of my songs and playing the guitar. When you understood I took the picture you told me to delete this cause you didn't like it, but I told you I love it cause you look happy, that I love your smile and that you must be insane to think you are not beautiful. You are the most beautiful person I have even laid my eyes on. This picture till now is my lockscreen. When your heart stopped for the first time I thought I couldn't breathe. I thought I had lost everything but then you came back, you fight to stay alive. When the doctors told us you are alive I felt like I could breath again, I was alive too. But when after a week stopped again, I thought I lost you for good and l couldn't take it I left I went outside and cried... When I came back your mum told me your heart was beating again that you fight AGAIN to stay alive, to stay with us... I cried again, I hadn't lost you! I am a mess, the boys and your family tell me to go home, take a shower and nap but I'm not leaving you, I don't want to leave you and go to our home. I know that if I go there I'll break cause I will remember the memories we shared in every room. How we sat in the sofa and cuddle or in the floor playing monopoly and you getting mad at me because you were loosing. In the kitchen where we made breakfast together and raping a song or dancing while there was no music on. In our bedroom where you had your head in my lap and I was playing with your hair cause I know you love it. I will remember all those moments and I know I won't take it. This past month I keep re-living our life together and us being together is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have never told you this but when we were in Bradford at Christmas it was night and you were peacefully sleeping in my arms I got up and went to the kitchen where my mum was she told me that I am the happiest I have ever been in a relationship and that she is so happy I finally got to meet the love of my life. You are the love of my life Lili, your mum told me that too, that she is happy that you met the love of your life, I remember I blushed and then you came and ask us what's going on but we told you nothing. Or the one were All of our friends were in our home to celebrate us moving together and Louis and Niall said something ridiculous and disgusting as usual. I remember how you blush so hard and hide your face into my neck and while the boys keeping laughing and making fun of us I kissed you, I told you I love you and that I am so happy we moved in together. I remember when I asked you on a date and you said yes. This day is definitely one of the best days in my life. I was so nervous asking you out. I had post a pic asking how could I ask a model on a date, I was petrified. But my friends told me to go for it and that I wouldn't regret it, so I asked you and you said yes, you made me so happy that night... When we said I love you for the first time was definitely the best day ever. I remember thinking that it was a one way thing, I was so afraid to tell you, but the way you looked at me while we were sitting in the fire. I playing with your hair as usual and you were reading one of the books you are obsessed with, I told you and you looked at me with shook in your eyes and I was thinking I had screwed up, you didn't love me but then after we said some things you said you love me too. I cried, you cried and then we cuddle and all night we said how much we love one another. I love everything about you Lili, your smile, your laugh, your voice, your accent, the tingles your eyes make when you are truly happy, your forehead (even tho you don't like it, I love it), your cute nose, your hair, when you want something so bad and you do the puppy eyes you know I can't resist. I love your kind, sweet personality. You always forgive people even if they haven't treat you right. You always see the good in people and I admire you for that. I am sitting here watching your pale but beautiful skin, watching you sleeping, usually I love watching you sleeping because you look so peaceful, but now I'm begging you to woke up, I can't and I don't want to live a life without you, I don't think I can now really, I am addicted to you Lili. I love you more than words can describe, I am completely in love with you Lili, please wake up so I can smile and breath again. I promise you to never leave by your side ever again. I love you and I miss you so much, come back to me Lili, to your family and best friends we need you ❤️Don't make me live a life without you on it Lili, I won't handle it.
