My story:
I want to start out by saying this is not a call for sympathy, this is simply to help me in my healing journey and to show others in similar situations you can break the cycle and find happiness and peace within. My parents split when I was three years old, my dad was cheating and abusive. My mom was a young mom to me and my brother who is five years older than me. My mom raised us a single parent. I visited my dad a few times a year when I was younger, I slept on my half sisters bedroom floor. My dad and his new wife did not talk to me other than saying "suppers ready" that played a huge role in who I am today. Feeling neglected. My step mom had two boys of her own. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse from my step brother. I still have the nights were I am shaking crying, the I can't breath panic attacks. I am working everyday to be free from this pain... in my teen years I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. One of the first times I was prescribed antidepressants I took them all One night and went to bed wishing I was dead, when my mom woke me up telling me it was time to take one of my pills I couldn't move or say anything I thought I was dead. Finally my mom came into my room and I said "hi" really faintly she replied "hi" and I bursted into tears knowing my plan did not work. We then both decided the safest place for me was a psychiatric hospital. And I spent a week in the regular hospital being monitored after my OD attempt and the a week in the psychiatric ward in Edmonton over Christmas. After I got out of the hospital I moved to a small town called Lashburn, it was a very different environment. I felt out of place and struggled with myself for a couple more years. I met a guy that restored my whole idea that a man could be kind and now I've been dating him for 2 and a half years and he is amazing. He takes care of me even though I can take care of myself, he is so strong and understanding. When I get my rough nights he listens, he rubs my back and kisses my forehead. Even if he doesn't have all the answers he is beside me, and won't let anything hurt me. my moms past boyfriend was verbally abusive to my mom and my brother. That broke my heart, feeling so small and incapable of saving them from the nasty, awful words. My brother was sick from a drug addiction. And that showed me how much I hate that lifestyle and how much it pulls you down. My brother managed to get out of that lifestyle with a lot of obstacles in his way and I could never be prouder of how strong he is. He is sober and working, he got a new car, home, dog and a good girlfriend. I am so beyond happy for him. My mom is working on her happiness, and that's all I could wish for her is happiness and freedom. I myself am working on me , I am working on forgiveness for others and myself. I graduated high school, which is something I never thought I'd do. I am just about to graduate from MC College as a hairstylist. I did it! I am going to break the cycle. If I have kids one day, I know he/she will have both parents there to do everything they need. I know I am worthy of great things. I know I am here to help someone else that has similar shoes. My journey is not done, I am meant to be here. And what happened to me does not define who I am.
