No Buses - Alex Turner Fanfic

I Suppose, A Trip Home?

I hadn't talked to Alex for a week after all of it had unfolded. I called twice, but didn't try my luck for a third because I wasn't desperate, and I knew Alex.

He said he would respect whatever I felt that night at the bar, and obviously that wasn't the case, but that was human nature and I understood the feeling. I wanted nothing more than to talk to him, though, and hear him ask me how my day was. Is that considered desperate? Dunno. Desperate for my friend.

Francis must have known I was off because he kept doing little sympathetic things at the bookshop, like bringing me treats from the sweet shop down the street or reading something from one of his favorite books. I always told him he had to stop doing all of it, but he never listened. I felt pathetic. The last straw was when he gave me three days off. I pleaded with him to forget about it, but his persistence wasn't going to change. I begrudgingly took a few books with me on the last day before my little break.

On my first day off, as I sat in my flat, petting Barry, I decided I had to do something.  And that something was to come in contact with my parents again; or at least my mother (who knew where my dad was..). It would just be some miserable thing looming in the back of my mind, if I never acknowledged it. I knew it was a last minute thing but I felt it would be best. I packed up a day's worth of clothes, filled Barry's food bowl to be enough for two days, and caught a bus to the other side of town.

It was a bit strange being back in that familiar neighborhood I grew up in after being gone for over a year with not a glance back. I could see that my mum was home, and after knocking on the door for several minutes I finally heard footsteps approaching.

She opened the door and stood there with a stunned look.

"Effy girl..." she breathed, and I could see faint wells of tears in her eyes.

"Hi mum," I said straightforwardly. It's not like I could connect.

I was then brought into a bone crushing hug that made me wheeze. She kissed my cheek multiple times before pulling me into the house. And the house was an absolute mess. Empty wine bottles sat everywhere I looked, unread newspapers laid in an unorganized pile near the door, half the dishes not washed.

"Mum, it looks a bit like a bomb went off in here?" I said, picking up a pair of her knickers, which I definitely didn't want know why they were there on the dining room floor. She shrugged, lighting a cigarette.

"Jim always likes to clean when he comes by anyways," she said with a smirk.

"Who's Jim?"

"Oh, just a bit of a boy toy. Anyways, how the fuck have you been Eff? It's been what, two years since we last had a chat? Everything good?"

I cringed as I thought it couldn't possibly have gotten any worse, but she had really gone downhill.

"It's only been a little over a year now, Mum. Things are...fine. I've got a job, a decent flat, Barry's getting on well."

"Who's Barry?"

"My cat. That you gave me for my 16th birthday?"

"Oh right, that thing."

Nodding, she crossed her legs on the kitchen table, blowing smoke everywhere.

"What kind of job, dear?"

I shrugged. "Oh, just working at a little bookshop."

"It's part-time?"

"No, full."

"Not very accomplishing, is it," she said, as she tapped the end of her cigarette on a dirty teacup saucer.

I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from completely going off. I couldn't believe it.

"I like it just fine, actually."

"So, just a decent flat you say?"

"Yes."

"You could probably have a nicer one if you worked harder."

My jaw dropped.

"Oh my god. You don't even know a thing about me! You haven't given a shit about anything I've done as of late, so why should it matter to you now?!"

"I-"

"What have you been doing with your life then?" I snapped back. 

"Um...well, you know what I do. Real estate business is better than ever!" 

She had a bit of a waver in her voice and I could tell she was lying.

"How many of those boy-toys?"

"That's personal."

"Right. Well, this has been very short-lived, as I thought me moving out of this dump might have been somewhat of an eye-opener for you but I guess not. I know you're lying about your job, turn on the sink right now," I said, wanting to test my theories.

"Why," she asked, with a hint of panic.

I stood up, walked over myself, flipping on the faucet to find not a single fallen drop out of it. Just as I suspected, the water had been turned off by the city.  Next would be electricity and finally eviction, before she was homeless and begging to stay with me. Although, I'm sure she has a boyfriend somehwere that can help with that.

"Mum, you don't have a job. You haven't been working for months.  Dad isn't giving you money, who the hell knows where he is?  No bills have been paid. Do you realize what this could mean for you?"

She squinted at me with a look of, 'what do I know'.

I shook my head. "This is unbelievable. I thought I might stay with you one night, talk things over, you know?"

She just stared. She was like a zombie. This was my mother.

"Alright, mum, well this isn't happening and I'm afraid I'll have to be going."

Thinking this could be her last resort to reconcile, she still sat there motionless, without any real emotion.

I didn't look back at her as I left. I got right back on a bus. Why had I even tried. Why had I even given it a second thought. 

You'd be stunned that she was the same woman who raised me. If you can imagine, she used to have an amazing sense of humor.  She used to love dancing in the kitchen.  She always tried to get me to read books when I was little. She'd spend hours in the garden. She loved to take pictures. She was so different. My parents used to be so in love. I always wanted to grow up and find someone who meant something to me, like they did to each other. 

A thought flicked across my mind, that I knew wouldn't go away.  I thought about him for those few seconds.  The bus rattled my head against the window and I looked at the sky.