Before the Madness

Chapter 3

"Well...I'm gay." He seems ashamed, I wonder why, without even thinking I say. Oh yea, me too." Why would I say that, I'm so stupid, I mean I was trying to make him feel better, but...it's like when someone says happy birthday and you say 'you too' and you want to die inside. But he looks happy I said that.

"Really?" He looks so happy I just roll with it and nod, I mean, I'm not completely straight but saying I'm gay isn't the best way to describe it. I'm questioning? I think that's what it's called. More like denying, but since he's out that means I can be comfortable.

"Well since we're opening up I umm, well I have umm, it's like a form of-" I stumble over my words, not knowing what to say or how to phrase it. Brian's staring at me intently, I can feel his brown eyes piercing through me. "Look you're going to think I'm crazy, and I don't blame you, I think I'm crazy too but...well I have schizophrenia." There it is I said it, it feels nice to have it off my chest but also terrifying. There's silence, what's he thinking, is he mad? Does he know what schizophrenia is?

"Cool." That's all he says, 'cool' what does cool mean, does he hate me? Are we still friends? Questions and self doubt swarm my thoughts like a colony of bees are buzzing around in my brain.

"Tim we're here." He's smiling at me patiently, god why's he so nice to me, I don't deserve it.

"Ok, sorry." I apologize as I get out of the car, smiling a little as the sun shines down, the warm summer air surrounding me.

We walk in and get a booth, the hostess gives us a weird look, I wonder what she's thinking. We order our drinks and food then talk for a while. He's really funny, and cute and he's so nice. No stop it, he's probably with someone, don't get attached. When you get attached you get hurt.

"Are you ok? You look upset about something." Brian asks looking me in the eyes, as if he's reading my mind.

"Oh nothing, just thinking about what I got on my finals." It isn't a lie, just a half truth. I am thinking about my grades on my finals, I'm worried I failed, what if I don't pass. All that money for me to come here gone to waste. "What are you planning on doing during break, I mean if you're coming back next year?" I really hope he is I'd be really sad without him around.

"Well I was going to go down to Florida to visit some family I have down there," he hesitates, like he's regretting telling me this "I was wondering if maybe you'd wanna come, Alex was supposed to but he got an offer for an internship that he couldn't pass up." Oh. He must be regretting asking me to come. I understand. Who would want to spend that much time with me? I'm too self conscious to notice his cheeks dust pink.

"Are you sure? I don't think I'd be too much fun to go with." I shrug like I don't care, but I do. I would love to spend any time I can with him, but only if he wants to.

"Of course, I wouldn't ask you if I didn't want you to. I think we'd have a lot of fun." He has a big dorky smile on his face, I can't say no to that face.

"Sure, getting away from here would be nice for a while." maybe I'll actually have fun, with Brian there I'll either have the time of my life or I'll be constantly worrying that I'm annoying him. Probably both. He gets that big goofy smile again, he's such a dork.

"I'm so glad I'll have someone my age there with me, it's normally just my grandparents so they're always asking when I'm gonna get a girlfriend and have kids." he laughs so I laugh too. "Like, I'm never gonna get a girlfriend grandma Sue, and I'll probably never have kids." he flails his arms angrily as he talks, like his grandma is really here and he's talking to her.

"Yea me neither, kids aren't my thing, they uhh, don't like me too much." I start unconsciously picking at my hands. For some reason kids don't like me, it's like they're...scared of me? One little girl was screaming about the tall man following me. Could she have been, no that's impossible. My point is proven by a little girl in the booth across from us pointing at me and whispering something to her mom, the mom makes eye contact with me for a few seconds then shushes the girl.