INMARCESIBLE

INMARCESIBLE - 15

Oh who was I kidding! 

At the rate I was shaking, I wouldn't be able to do it even after a hundred years. Cold sweat glistened on my brows as I stared down at my own socked feet. My hands were spread like pale starfish around the standard-issue coffee cup that Mr. Miers offered me, and they were cold and shaky, resisting the warmth that struggled to seep into them. My body was reacting like there was a gorilla about to beat the crap out of me instead of being faced with a friendly counselor. 

I literally jumped out of my skin when Mr. Miers spoke, "Miss Valdez, are you alright?"

"Huh? What! I'm...I'm fine." I don't know how I managed the words but I am glad I did.

Mr. Miers silently sighed and said, "Miss. Valdez, I don't know why you are here but I understand it must be something devastating for you to find it so difficult to talk about. So please, take your time." He rubbed my back in a soothing manner to calm my nerves, "There's no hurry."

God! I was so pathetic. Hadn't I decided I was going to do it? I'd already said my piece to two people prior Mr. Miers. So, why was I so anxious now? This was so weird. Maybe because I had never been to a counselor before. Or maybe because I was not sure if I wanted Mr. Miers to know about my abnormalities? Whatever the reason, I couldn't back down now. ".....I....Mr. Miers, for a really long time....I have been suffering from an anxiety disorder." I blurted out in a shaky tone. See? Now how hard was that? 

Pft! Who was I kidding again. If only you could see my face you would know, I was crying my butt out like a five year old.

"Shhh! Shh! Saraphina, Saraphina it's okay. Everything's going to be alright." Mr. Miers's voice provided such warmth and compassion that I felt like I was floating in my own exclusive safe bubble. He rubbed my back in an appeasing manner and spoke softly, "Saraphina...Saraphina listen to me, true healing takes time, there are no magic wands for deep pain. The pain leaves scars. Sometimes the scars fade away, but sometimes they leave deep-seated blisters. But don't believe that these blister would never heal. With time and will, even blisters can be cured. Trust me, alright." I nodded mutely and we stayed like that for a while, all the while he spoke words of concern for me. Sigh! What was I afraid of? I guess, Mr. Miers's greatest gift was his compassion for others. His compassion was the bridge for me to cross over and finally reach out for help. Certainly, it took time to trust my weight to it, but eventually I did. And I showed him all my scars, the mess I was, and the fear. And like I thought he would, he welcomed it all. 

All these years, I've been hiding the mess that I was from everyone, and trying to pretend I was fine, when I was far from it. It felt good to finally let it all out. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked when I was done with my sob-story.

I took in a deep breath and said, "Actually, I'm feeling pretty refreshed."

"That's good to hear." He smiled like an angel at me and I couldn't help smile back, though I looked like a smiling raccoon I didn't care. "I know it might be a bit personal but as your counselor, may I ask why you have to play for Eric Warnard? I mean, you are not obligated to play the piano for Mr. Warnard but yet here you are, trying to cure your phobia to be able to play for him. Why must it be you who have to play for him?" Crap! I told him, the reason I was trying to cure my phobia was so that I could play for Eric but I didn't tell him why I had to be the one to play for him. What do I tell him now!

"......I...that is.....Mr. Miers, that is not a story for me to tell. I'm so sorry." What else was I supposed to say, there was no plausible excuse for this. 

"I understand Saraphina, Mr. Warnard's secret is not something you can disclose to an outsider. And honestly, I don't want to interfere in your personal life but I need to know this to be able to help you Saraphina, are you in love with Eric Warnard?" The question came out so fluidly from Mr. Miers's mouth I almost didn't catch it. Then my brain stuttered for a moment and my eyes took in more light than I expected, I mean they grew the size of an owl's. Every part of me went on pause while my thoughts finally caught up.