just do it

3

we were heading to the airport as i pit my headphones in and watched my cousin vlog.

i'm still in the mood and probably wont get out of it for a while. i'm still really hurt about what Joey did, but i don't blame him. i did leave him on read and didn't message him for around a month and i did block him.

i decide that i just need to get over myself and my petty teenage feelings and unblock Joey. i go on instagram and see that he now has 1.5 mill.

i look at his recent post and its him thanking his fans for 1.5. i decide to comment just a short little "congrats❤️"

i hope the fans don't flip over this..

on the plane

so far we've been on the plane for about 2 hours and now we have a layover in Kansas.

i just really want to get to California so i can sleep comfortably in my new bed in my new home for the next 4-5 years.

i'm not sure what i'm gonna do after college. yeah i love social media and my fans but i don't want to have to depend on them to make me a career by liking and commenting and subscribing to my stuff.

i want to make my career by myself.

Joey pov

i was eating breakfast when i got a notification that Hannah commented on my post "congrats❤️"

that literally made my day. i honestly thought she didn't want anything to do with me bit i guess i was wrong..

i go to her account now that she unblocked me and damn shes more beautiful than i remember..

liked by 1.9 million and joeybirlem

hannahryleee: hey guys! i'm sorry i haven't been active for literally like 2 months. i have been in a really dark position in my life where i wanted to be curled up in a ball and just cry the whole entire day away. i'm starting to gain more trust, hope, self confidence, and just love back. i finally found someone i can rant to without being judged and it was awesome! like pure awesome. it was the best feeling in the world. then that ray of darkness was brought back into my life and it just felt like it wasn't worth having that sunshine if i was just gonna hurt it and ruin it all because of how i feel and what i think is best. but little did i know that doing that wasn't a very wise choice of me. i fell back into depression, and i lost so much self esteem and confidence. i lost all control in what i thought was right and wrong. like i said i'm starting to gain some of it back and i can feel it. i'm only 5/100 way there but i will be there soon. oh and btw i'm in la;)

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damn. that was deep. i had no idea what she was going through. was i the ray of darkness? was i the sunshine? i will honestly never find out.

i'm thinking about texting her cousin and asking if we can meet up. i need to meet Hannah. i need to.

i go onto her cousin Kenzies page and see that shes live. i joined her live and it was them in their new house in the living room. i could tell Kenzie saw that i joined because she turned the camera around.

and there she was. curled up into a ball. she looks like she had been crying. ugh i hate seeing her like this. "hey Han, wanna watch a movieeee?" Kenzie asks trying to brighten the mood with the camera still on Hannah.

"no thanks." Hannah says so plain. "why not?" "i'm just not in the mood. okay?. i'm in la. i don't have my support system with me! i miss my mom and i want to go home! i want to be that happy Hannah that everyone loves. i miss being happy! i'm so sick and tired of being depressed. yes i miss Joey. do i want to text him or meet him or FaceTime him? no i don't because i dong want him in my life. i already pushed him out because of Jacob and i- i- i just need someone!" Hannah says collapsing onto Kenzie and as soon as she lands Kenzie ends the livestream.

i feel so damn bad.

but who is Jacob anyways?

Hannah pov

i'm tired. i just want school fo start so i can get my mind off of things. me and Kenzie ended up watching a movie. but it was a sad one so i could cry more.

i guess when i said all of that Kenzie was live and Joey joined. so he heard everything but i don't care. at least now he knows he didn't do anything. but every since the livestream he's been dming me again.

i decide to call my mom because i miss her and need her rn.

mom
Hannah

hey mom!
hey Hans! hows everything going over there?
good! i've just been really depressed ever since Jacob saw me.
sweetie i want you to get some rest and go school shopping tomorrow then call me. okay? i love you baby and we miss you so much!
okay mom, love you too.

my mom hangs up and i think about texting Joey back and i think i'm gonna.

joeybirlem

hey Hannah! so i watched the stream..
i'm sorry all of this is happening!
can we meet ip?
i love you Han❤️

hannahryleee
i love you too but i think its best if we stay friends. but yes please come over!

i know i said i didn't want him around. but i just need someone. and he's my only option right now..

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hope you like this!
just know if you have depression you're not alone❤️