Celestial Bodies

|ONE|

Wiinterrlust
All rights reserved.
Copyright : 2017

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I couldn't sleep, just like all the previous nights . My eyes worn out and my brain wants to shut down but my body is in constant movement but I wasn't moving. How can my body be awake but my limbs feel so numb. Rapid thoughts of how I used to be when the world didn't corrupt me . I picture that small little girl running around my backyard with a toothy smile on my face, I was safe . Safe from the cruel reality of this world .

Now I'm just a broken girl who has given up on hope. Hoping will only make it harder to accept the fact that this is real life . Not a love story you've been told all your life . Not your mom telling you you can grow up to be anything you want in the world. Not people sugar coating the truth , in real life you get the blunt people who will do anything for a reaction out of you.

Sad thing is I am just like those people

We are more alike then I thought .
They didn't know me , I didn't know them but I wouldn't second guess passing judgements on them like they did with me.

My mom likes to refer to me as fragile or sentitive but I wasn't fragile . You can't call someone already broken, fragile.

When I was fragile , it was their time to shine, they shot their bullets at me as if I was a dummy or bullet proof . They aimed perfectly on the target and believe me when I say , they didn't miss their shot.

I wish people can read me more . I wish they can look pass my glare and fake smile and know that I am actually saying something deeper

I am not made of steal , I am paper thin filled with deep scars. Please don't touch me ; don't get too close because I fear that I might cause you a paper cut.

I'm in the room that I've been it since middle school but today I feel cramped in a tiny whole . Pink so much pink

I like pink. That's the problem .

I don't like being surrounded by things I like. I much rather live in my. Negativity.

Pink Is too bright .

. I once was bright until they took the brightness out of me and turned me into darkness.

The thing is they aren't real. I'm living in my head and I've only learned to accept it.

"Lia, honey come outside get some fresh air, you've been in that room for the whole day" my mother screamed from down stairs.

I don't want too, I don't want to feel fresh air. There's people out there . I don't want to interact with them. I don't want to feel their eyes on me because I feel as the cotton covering my body has been exposed, and when they look into my eyes , that's what I most fear. They can read the pain .
I got rid of every mirror in the room for that very reason when I look in the mirror I see my eyes and the pain was to sharp to be blinded by .

"Lia I'm not gonna repeat myself, come down now" just leave me alone I wanted to
Shout but I knew better than to say that. My mother is a sensitive woman and she would probably burst into tears. Getting up from the bed I felt every part of my bones cracking from stretching and left over chip crumbs feel off of me. Dusting myself off I slumped slowly down stairs.

"Oh finally , do you want something to eat?" My mom smiled widely approaching me. Stopping in front of me she reached to touch my my face but I quickly flinched away from her touch