The Newborn Bling

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Four Thousand Years Later...

A young woman named Mary was simply going about her daily business - waking up, getting dressed, making breakfast, and pillaging famous cathedrals - when an angel descended from he heavens. He spoke to her: "Young woman, our Heavenly Father Shrekos' son shall be born of you."

She replied, "You what?"

"Shrekos. You will birth his child."

"He raped me?"

"What? No, he-"

"I was raped!"

"No! Look, just listen to me-"

"This is blatantly unacceptable! You can't just go around impregnating young women like that! I'm going to have to speak to-"

"Ok listen here." The angel leaned in and lowered his voice to a whisper. "You're going to give birth to baby Yeezus. He's going to rule the world. You're going to be damned happy about it. And if you complain anymore..." He looked down to the ground. "You might not like where you end up."

Mary had gone quite pale, and complied with all the angle's orders over the course of the pregnancy. All of them. Even all the random ransoms. She lost the equivalent of £22,000 when adjusted for inflation.

After a few months, the child was born, and it was named Yeezus. Three wise men brought gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Farmers greeted him and wished him a successful life. Angels rose up and sang, except for one who was unusually weighted by Gucci accessories. It was a beautiful sight to behold. From heaven, Shrekos looked down and shed a single tear of joy.

King Yeezus was a beautiful, layered ogre.

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⏰ Last updated: Apr 29, 2019 ⏰

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