My hands are shaking. I sat next to Trinity today. We haven't been friends in months, she believed I tried ruining her friendship with Martha. She didn't give me a chance to speak and left me. Blocking me, running away from me basically. She was never really my friend anyways, well. She was. Expect Martha came into the picture and stole her from me. My life went into shambles. Morley after I broke up with my ex boyfriend who was in fact my bestest friend in the world. We haven't talked after I second breakup. Martha told Tony who was my gay best friend sense 6th grade about the whole ordeal and he hasn't talked to me sense Sunday. All he said was "Hi Cookie!" I felt overjoyed that he was talking to me finally. But he didn't for the longest time which broke my heart. I must say. I am happy I have friends better than them. It's just after I lost those people. I've been having panic attacks left and right. When I sat next to her at lunch today. I didn't eat. I didn't drink, I just played Tetris on my laptop. I had a headache. I was shaking. I was holding back the tears. Her and my ex were sitting at the table. I was terrified and quietly dying inside with a major panic attack that I knew I was scheduling to cry after I'd get home or go to bed. After that lunch. I realized how much I was left out. Sitting there in English with no partner to discuss the activity with, I just sat there feeling every emotion again hit me in the head. Having another internal panic attack. I went to German. Trinity was there and Frau T. Was discussing the major test for tomorrow. Nothing different. Just still more panic attacks. By the time I got to art. Everything was good again. I felt free. I put in my earbuds and listened to music, I told my friend Jenny about my day and how I felt. I told her I didn't feel at all great with myself anymore. I started to think about therapy but I don't want to worry my parents. Nor my doctor. I liked to think to myself as a happy healthy person. But by making matters worse, my best friend I met on the Xbox hadn't been on in days and won't tell me why on
snap. I cherished our friendship cause of how unique it was. He is awesome. Even though he lives far away. He's the best I got and probably the only one I really spilled all of my feelings to.
Thank you for listening to me rant this entire time. I just needed a venting page. Please don't ask for any personal information. I may seem dramatic but don't hate. This is also kind of cheesy and my English is horrible. So sorry. But thank you
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Panic attacks
RandomThis is where I rant or vent during my panic attacks. I tend to ramble. I will make up fake names for certain people who are vital to the attacks, I will ramble and start saying things that I know aren't always truthful. But I will clear myself up a...
