There is a lot of things I question about myself, and how others perceive me. I constantly obsess over it, I constantly live in it, it constantly consumes my every thought and steals my perception of myself, and my worth.
Then I look back, and actually look at myself. The ways I used to be, and the way I am now. I try to constantly better myself to no avail. All I can see is someone so disgusting. And I find that ironic, because before everything happened, I was actually happy. But never have I remembered a time where I actually liked myself. Because I was constantly belittled, by peers, by family, and even most of all, by myself.
I just feel so lost in myself, and where I should be. I want to be happy, but what does that even feel like? Everyone says it's such a powerful feeling, but is it as powerful as the self loath?
4/30/19
