War of Hearts

Chapter 6: Nightmare

Haytham Point of view
An hour has passed and I lay awake, I hear Connor faintly snoring in the bed next to mine. It is strangely a comfort to me that at least, the boy trusts me enough to sleep. Though it is likely a very light sleep, I sit up and look at the sleeping face of my son. I nearly laugh Connor face is twisted into a scowl, is the boy ever not scowling?

The same thought also brings me sorrow, if I had done things better stayed with Ziio to raise Connor our son together. Perhaps the boy would be free with a smile, but alas I have failed him I feel guilty for that. I suppose I feel something for the boy, that day in the gallows is proof. I had felt fear a feeling, I didn't even feel moments after when Hickey was facing death. Why had the prospect of Connor dying intimidated me, so if I don't care at least a little?

I think of seeing him in prison of the hanging, of that day at the Church where I tackled Connor. Of the mission that followed, where the boy left himself so vulnerable. I could have and probably should have taken at least one of the opportunities, or even now to end this thorn in my side. So why can't I do it? I thought. It's isn't love I swear to that, to love is to leave oneself open to hurt and I have had enough of that for one lifetime. Hell I have felt enough hurt for a thousand lives, besides this boy is a stranger to me. Do I know anything about Connor? Aside from of course his hard life, and misguided steps. No I don't know Connor at all, a small voice whispers to me to change that before it is too late. I cursed my old age, it is getting to me.

Haytham: I cannot get too close, I fear I already have gotten too deep. For me to get to know you would be to bond, and neither of us need that son.
I whisper to him
Haytham: if things could be only different... perhaps you could have been raised to be my heir. I could have watched you grow up, maybe I would know what you look like... when you laugh genuinely happy and carefree. You could have made me proud, and I could have been a good... father. No I do not deserve that title now, do I?
I sigh heavily and shook my head
Haytham: I do not wish to bring you harm, but I fear it will come to that. Unless I can bring you over... then I wouldn't have to hurt you, you can be by my side. We can work together to guide the colonies as father and son, god that would be wonderful. To have you trust me..love me and work with me. All of which without hiding the fact we even speak, I would have loved that.
I brush some hair from Connor face, realising I'm standing by his bedside. When did I get up? It's doesn't matter! I rest my hand on his cheek.
Haytham: I suppose I care more about you, than I wish to let on
With one last sigh I lay back down to sleep, that night follows is restless filed with torment and guilt.

I awake once more, I don't know how much time has passed. At first I think it is my own torment that awoke me, but after a moment I hear Connor mumbling from the other bed while he was tossing and turning. I sit up and look at my son, who looks like he is... frightened? What does a man like Connor have nightmares about? I look over at the fire and it dawns on me, Connor is afraid of fire. I wonder if his dream has anything to do with a fire, or perhaps the fire.

I look back at my son who is now speaking much louder, it is of course Mohawk. But it's sounds distressed, perhaps I should wake him up. As I have that thought and decide to act on it, Connor sits upright in a blur of motion. He is sweating immensely and hyperventilating, Connor panic almost makes me panic. I've never seen Connor in this way, not even when we were trapped in the fire.
Connor: ista!
He says through his breaths, I realise I'm staring and decide to do something.
Haytham: Connor Connor, it was just a dream
I said quickly as I moved over to Connor bed and sit next to him.
Connor: father?
He look confused
Haytham: it's okay, it was just a dream
I patted his shoulder
Connor: no it was not! It was real! Ista!
Not only he was hyperventilating, but he's struggling to control the tears. I've never seen him cry before, this alone freaks me out I felt helpless.
Haytham: look at me you need to relax, breath in.
Connor eyes meet mine, but is still breathing fast
Haytham: no I mean big deep breath, keep breathing in until I say alright.
He obeys me taking a long deep breath
Haytham: alright hold it
I count to three in my head
Haytham: let it out now
Connor exhales letting out a long breath, before sniffing
Haytham: you good?
Connor: yes I'm so sorry... I.... the dreams they're never been so bad. Never felt so... real I did not intend to wake you. Connor sniffles again and wipes his eyes, as he looks down in embarrassment.