You know those moments where you just don't know what to do about anything anymore? Like, the whole world just seems like some desolate place where there is no purpose for anything. Everything is just grey and nothing is fun anymore. You battle these constant shifts from jealous anger to extremely depressed to completely breaking down entirely. The worst thing is you don't exactly know why. You have all these complex and heavy emotions that have a constant grip on you on a daily basis. Those very thoughts are your main focus, trying to understand why you're having these thoughts and why you feel this way, but no one can give you a rational answer. So you assume that this whole situation is just you acting irrational. So then what choice do you have really but to stop talking about it and just tell no one anymore. You're completely fine. Everything is sunshine and clear skies. But under your veil you still only see grey, stormy clouds and a clandestine and crystal clear rain that pelts you every second of everyday, and no body has a clue. You start to feel like no one can understand so what do you do? You don't have the will to do anything or go anywhere. You're more than content to just sit and waste away all day in the safety of your own bed, being able to hide from the world underneath your covers. It's like, for once, you can escape reality. Just be in a place where the world can't hurt you anymore. There are so many scars, physical maybe, but emotionally for sure. You feel unstable, like you have no foundation anymore. Feelings violently shift from a horrible hate driven jealous rage to a regretful depression wishing that you just had not existed. The only person that can fix you doesn't want to acknowledge you anymore, no calls, no communication. Your best friend stabs you in the back. You haven't cried enough, you hurt yourself enough, you haven't drank enough, you haven't medicated yourself enough. Nothing is enough, nothing can get rid of pain and the suffering. You've left nothing to do. You relied on you and they failed you, so you have no choice. Delete their number, delete the pictures, delete the posts, tear up the gifts, throw it all away. That memory is dead to you now. They say they didn't want you to hate them, but they have done nothing to prove that's true. So this is good bye for good. you would've given her anything to make her happy but no more. This is good bye forever. Back to the lonely road you go, lost again along winds of regret. You say your finally good bye and tell her you love her, and always will. Your life goes on, mediocre and clouded. Day after long day, night after sleepless night
