Country Heart

I Died Before It Started

In the distance, she could hear an alarm going off.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

People, they sounded frantic. Rushing around. Rushing like the sound of blood whooshing. She could hear that sound in her head sometimes. Whoosh, Whoosh. Like a heartbeat, in her ears.

"Hurry, we're losing her," a disembodied voice shouted, like ghosts in the wind.

Losing who, she wondered. She tried to open her eyes to see what all the commotion was about.

See. That's a funny thought. She had almost forgotten she was blind. She could open her eyes all she wanted and would never see. She lost that, and so much more to her disease. She was young when she was diagnosed. Young enough to be stupid and vain and not want to take the medication because it made her blow up like a balloon. Oh, she did eventually give in, take the medication, but it was too late. The damage had already been done.

"She's going into cardiac arrest."

Arrest, why did that sound familiar? She wanted to rest, but she never allowed herself to, not fully. There was always that fear. That underlying concern that if she closed her eyes, she wouldn't reopen them. She was still young and hadn't really lived. She wanted to fall in love. She wanted children. She wanted to live and live well. Be strong, be happy. Not this thing in this bed. Fragile, scared. When did she become so scared?

"We're losing her."

Where are those lights coming from, she thought. She tried again to open her eyes. Glittering, glowing balls of lights circled around her. She was confused, could it be her vision was returning? As if in slow motion, the distorted lights started to come into focus. She could see shapes, wait, figures too. How is this possible, she thought, I'm legally blind?

As the shapes started to come into focus, the room began to get brighter. She could see the staff working around a frail body laying on a bed. That's when she noticed the man across the room. He was drenched in beautiful colors. It was almost as if they were are emanating out of his body.

"Don't bother yourself with what's happening around you. Focus on me," he said.

"What's happening," she asked the man.

"Your human form is dying. I am here to bring your spirit to the next realm."

"What. I can't be dying. I need to be here. I haven't lived enough. I haven't done what I need to do yet," she paused for a moment, "They'll be so worried."

"It happens to all humans. It is your time, they will understand. Take my hand, come with me," he replied as he reached his hand out towards her.

"Please, can I just have one more shot. One try at this life over again? I know I can do it better, be better. I messed it up this time, but I need to make it right," she pleaded.

"Make it right? You created your life as you chose, now the end has come," he answered.

"Please, I know you can give me a second chance. I can feel that you can," she said, wondering how she felt so certain about that. "Another try, please. Not from the beginning, but from where things went astray." At that moment she could see her whole life in front of her. The twists, the turns and they all led back to one point.

"You can see the point, the beginning of your end?" he asked.

"I can, and I know exactly where I want to go to. Please, just one shot," she begged.

"I am giving you one chance. A glimpse you might say. Use it wisely, I won't offer you this again," he warned.

Before she could thank him the world changed around her. She was in a bed, but not the one in the hospital. It was much softer. The smells were familiar and it was quiet.