Childhood was rough. Adolescence was tough. Adulthood, I'm getting there, I suppose. But I wouldn't expect there to be any pleasant surprises.
A few things follow me around like a shadow. They wait for the light of day to pop up in front of me, and then latch onto my back. Always there and always casting darkness in my wake.
Essentially, they all round up to the fact that in too messed up for this world. I'm too lacking in consistent happiness without bouts of crippling, empty pain. I'm void of the ability to let people in fully. There's just too much baggage for someone to stick around.
That's why I don't unzip the thin case enveloping my fragile insides. Because letting people see the most vulnerable and intimate parts of me … it makes it all the more difficult when they slowly drift out of my life. Kind of like how smoke is so present right after I breathe out, but as time ticks away, the cigarette quickly vanishes into the air and the smoke eventually leaves. No sign of ever being there but the lingering taste on my tongue and the staleness that clings to the inside of my nose.
