Cast off into the wind they say, like the cremated remains of our forbearers, cast off into the wind and be free. Freedom, the hardest of worldly qualities to obtain, and yet the most strived for. To be free, oh to be free. I guess we all have our different definitions of free, to pinpoint mine would be a difficult task, but I have always had this image of a shimming beach, clear blue water, translucent and evanescent, brimming with colour and life, soft white sand lacing around my flesh, and a love, passionate all consuming love. Love sweet and tender. Like a delirious mad man, lost in the vast expanse of despair, my vision breaks, and I whole heartedly smash the glass on the ground, my head is a rush, my heart thunders in my chest, break destroy, get out. Destroy, consume, take. I grab an assortment of crockery and smash them trough the window, I rip expensive bottles of wine and cocktail glasses and smash, destroy, feed. Free, oh to be free. My adrenalin wears down, and in its place a deep pit of emptiness, a pit which I will never be able to fill, no matter how much love I receive or give, no matter how many worldly possessions I acquire, no matter how much material wealth I have stored. Hole, black and deep, empty, feed, fill. I stager away from the wreck around me, stagger away from my previous life, stagger away from all i've known, all I know, all I ever will know, stagger away, stagger, never falling, never rising, condemned to stagger through life always and forever. Words which man uses to describe the extent of his existence, because how can there be a forever when you cease to exist? Where does all your love, passion, hatred, greed, hunger and compassion go? When you cease to exist, does it go into the hole in which we fill? Stagger, forever condemned to stagger. I walk out into the night, the moon is beaming its eery smile down unto earth. As I walk past trees, their grotesque night time forms haunting my imagination, birds shuffle uncertainly. Sensing danger, sensing my humanity, my greatest weakness but also my greatest strength, humanity, that which also allows me to reflect back on the events of the previous few nights, the events that have left me stranded in this position. The crash, the screams, as fire whole heartedly consumed the infants flesh, turning its innocence into a fiery monster, the screams, the screams that haunt my every movement, every thought, every action. Maybe death is freedom, maybe what we all seek is a way out, and death, death grants us this wish, takes us away from the pain of living. Screams, fire, burnt flesh, death, the bone chilling screams of a mother who has just lost her new born child, one moment a new happy family coming back from the birth of new life, a new blessing to this world, and the next consumed in fire and misery, destruction and death. And I, standing on the side walk had to witness this, the babies fiery death, the mothers screams of anguish and her creation, the creation of her love and her commitment goes up in flames, as its small limp body is wrapped in a medics tarp, as security holds the screaming mother back, as the disfigured face of the badly burned father spills tears of the uttermost despair onto the hard cement. And all the while I am left standing, unable to move, to help, to comfort. All the while I stand. The injustice of the world fucks me off, the unfairness and the brutality. At the high end, the politicians and the corporate giants, they couldn't give a shit if one infant died, if one family was left heartbroken, if one child was sexually abused, if one mother had a miscarriage, if one man was executed trying to save his family, they couldn’t give a shit. And yet they stand there like some high and mighty figment of our imagination, dictatorship . I am astounded by the unfairness of the world, and it has consumed me, I cant stand it. Since when did glossy paper become more important than life, than humanity, than compassion and love. Since when did people start believing in the religion of betrayal and lust? Since when did people start believing in the religion of money? Sometimes I question if there is a God, and I ask him to help us. Then I look around at all the corruption and realised he fucked off a long time ago. If I was God, I would eradicate the entire human race before we do anymore damage. If I was God I would grant us all freedom. Free, oh to be free. Clear blue water, love sweet love, freedom, a clear heart, a good heart, a world without troubles, a world without pain. Free, oh to be free.......
