Old Lady For The Taking

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"I'm so fucking sorry. It should have been me." Happy says through the tears. Pulling back from him, I asked, "Hap, where's Herm?" Knowing something was wrong. He looked me in the eyes and sat me down on the couch. "We were meeting with the Russians and him, Jax and Juice were stuck on the other side of the field when we discovered the land mines. Juice and Jax made it across but when Koz came across, he stepped on a mine." he tells me. "Oh my God. Hap. No." I start to sob. "I'm sorry Jules. I was supposed to be on the other side. Not Koz. He volunteered to go with Jax and Juice and told me to stay with Tig, Bobby and Chibs." he tells me. He pulls me closer and holds me while I sob. My breathing starts to get more rapid and I start going into a panic attack. Pulling back from me, Happy takes my face in his hands and tells me "Jules, breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out." and keeps repeating it until the attack subsides. "He can't be gone Hap. Oh my God. The babies. He's supposed to be here to help me raise our kids. He promised." I sob harder. "I know. This is my fault. I'm so sorry." he tells me. I pull back from him and look him in the eyes. "Stop that shit right now. This is not your fault. This is not on you." I tell him, sternly. We spend the next couple of hours just sitting together. He holds me close and we just sit, in silence. That is until there is a knock on the door. Standing up to answer it, Happy greets the prospect and then closes the door. Handing me the envelope, I look at him confused. "We all wrote letters to the people that were the most important in our lives for when we died. I knew Koz wrote one to you." he explains. "Who did you write yours to?" I asked. "You." he responds.

Dear Jules,

If you are reading this, it means the Reaper has come to claim me. I am so sorry that I won't be there to hold you, to help you raise our kids, to spend the rest of your life showing you how much I love you. I know we didn't come together in the most conventional way but that didn't make me love you any less. You are the best thing that has happened to me and you have not only been an amazing wife but an even more amazing mother to our beautiful kids. I don't know how I got so lucky. But, again, I am so sorry that I didn't make it home because if I know me, I promised you I would. This is the only promise I didn't keep.

I know that if you are reading this, that my best friend is sitting there next to you, taking care of you like I asked him to. I know you love me and would never turn your back on me but I need you to listen to me and do as I asked. After we had that talk about the will and the insurance, I spoke to Happy. I know that we talked about him moving in and helping you if anything happened to me and I meant it and knowing you, you already have him a room ready. But I need you to promise me that you will do everything he asks you to do. If he tells you something, there is a reason for it. Please listen to him like you do me. He will be there for you but I need you to be there for him too. He's my best friend and he is going to need you just like you are going to need him. Please do this for me. I love you and the kids more than anything. I will be watching you all from above and will be with you always.

Love,

Herm.

After reading the letter, I curl in closer to Happy. "Are we going to be okay?" I asked him. "I don't know. But I'm not going anywhere. When you are ready, I will take you to Skeeters. He wanted to be cremated and buried with SAMCRO." he said. "I know. We already have our plots picked out. Let me shower and we can head over." I tell him. Getting up and heading to the shower, I cried even more while the hot water ran over me. Getting out, I got dressed and headed to Skeeters. After getting his ashes, I hold the urn close to me as Happy drove us to get EJ and Anna from Gemma's. Walking into Gemma's she pulls me close and tells me that they are all there for me for anything I need. A couple of the Croweaters come up to me and tell me that they are sorry for my loss and that they will come by the house with food and will help with the babies if I need them to. All I could do was nod. I just went with the motions.