Drowning and far from salvation

•~• Chapter 1 •~•

I wouldn't dare, I mean I couldn't! I thought to myself as I stared at the blade in front of me. "I don't have the guts to do it." I whispered to myself as I dropped my head over the sink and tightened my grip on the edge of the counter, I brought it back up and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

My eyes were puffy and extremely red and my hair was a complete mess; I bit my bottom lip as hard as I could holding back the tears that were threatening to escape, I dropped my head again staring at the blade that now seemed so blurry. "I Can't anymore, I just can't!" I yelled to myself grabbing the top of my hair pulling it hard. I took a step back raising my head to face the mirror again, after a few seconds I let go, I let go of my hair and just stared at myself.

I stood there for awhile, but then a very small warm tear fell over my cheek slowly stopping at my jaw line. I watched as it stood there attached to my face not wanting to fall and break like a crystal, but it falls anyways and tears start rolling in as I fold my arms in front of my chest and push hard against myself, it hurt. With that I started to whimper crying like crazy I fell to my knees putting a hand over my mouth to hold back the hiccups that were attempting to breakout.

After what felt like hours of crying I stood up, took a deep breath and began taking off my clothes this time avoiding the mirror, I didn't want to look at myself, unhurriedly I sat in the tub not even bothering to close the shower curtains so I just stare at them a bit a little annoyed that I have to get up and close them, but I do so anyways. I sit back down gazing at my wrists focusing on my veins, reminding me of rivers. Rivers that me and my father would go to for fishing...

{Flashback Memory}

"Sweetie! Be careful!" My father hollered at me, as I ran up to the river. I remember feeling bad for him since he was carrying all our stuff.

"Daddy!" I yelled glancing at him over my shoulder.

"Evie what is it?" He asked walking up to me and standing by my side.

"Look!" I said a little too excited pointing at the water in front of me, he squat down and squinted closely at the water.

"What? I don't see anything." He said turning to face me.

"There! There's little baby fishes." I replied getting closer as I dipped my finger in the water pointing at them.

"Yes I see them!" He said getting up and walking to the tree where all our fishing supplies lied, I followed as well.

"Okay so first we need to get some worms." He said opening a small white plastic container that was filled with dirt and a bunch of rubbery worms.

"Yuck!" I said in disgust stepping back a little, but still peering at the worms.

"Ha ha! Its okay Evie they aren't gonna bite, we just need to put them on the hook so we can catch the fish." He said giving me a warm smile as he proceeded to put the worm on the hook; he handed me the rod and began placing a worm on his hook I fiddled a bit with mine, but was careful not to touch that yucky thing.

"Okay Evie so..."

{Flashback Memory Ends}

"Daddy..." I croaked out silently holding my knees against my chest while I dug my face into them, crying again.

"Daddy-" I got cut off by a hiccup.

"Where are you?" I started asking looking up at the blurred ceiling; weeping hysterically.

"Daddy... I-I need yo-you." I tried to say, but I couldn't my crying got even worse.

I felt really cold so I reached my hand out and turned the knob where hot water began rushing from above; it stung a little, but after a while I got use to it after that I quit crying, I was already getting a headache.