Castle of Estelle

Chapter 5+6 ;Guilty Pleasure (Castle of Estelle)

Chapter 5: Guilty Pleasure

We remain in each other's embrace for at least an hour before Joseph makes his departure, leaving me with, "if ever came a day when I could trade this life to only have you the question would lie in whether or not you'd have me." He's so well spoken, and his charm only adds to my unravel. I begin to hurt with the idea that he will always be hers. He will always have the tie to her that will keep him from me, and perhaps she knows that. Perhaps that is why she is so lenient with his whereabouts and his time spent with me. I am overcome with a jealousy that angers me and strikes sadness into my heart as well. I just had him, yet he will never be mine.

I sat for an hour or so just contemplating my life and how drastically it's changed. I imagine what life could possibly hold for me after I leave this place, if I leave this place. My relationship with Eric will be in destruction, and I know I won't be able to remove the weight on my heart once I depart from Joseph. I ache at the thought of this child being born into the home of this witch, and I ache at the thought of Joseph staying in this world. I feel empty, in my heart, in my soul, and in my mind. I don't know what to do. Suicide is plausible, I'd be saving one life from despair, but I still have hope that I can escape this and live my life at least semi-normal. During my mind scramble Joseph comes in to tell me that lunch is ready.

Collecting myself was the easy part; as to how I will face Estelle and not allow her to see my expression and guilt, that's difficult. I know it must be written all over my face, but I have to keep my composure. Estelle is very territorial, and I've already seen what she is capable of. Once I'm dressed, I take a deep breath and begin my descent to the dining room. Exiting my room I run into Eric, who is also on his way down. He looks a bit more settled than the day before. he gives me a slight smile that holds no true meaning. It's a pathetic attempt to comfort me, and I am thankful he still has the consciousness to care. We make our way down the stairs and he speaks to me,

"How was your morning?"

Crazy, indescribably erotic. I could give him an entire series of books just on how my morning went. I could give him a list of emotions that washed over my being, but I don't see that as a conversation easily held.

"It was fine," I reply.

"Fine? You found a moment in this hell-hole that was less than despicable?"

"I guess I just am happy to not be paralyzed," I tell him.

Beyond this nothing is said as we make our way down the two flights of stairs, which may I say isn't getting any easier. I guess its good cardio. When we reach the bottom Eric stops and in reaction I stop as well. He takes a breath and he looks me in the eyes. This scares me because he isn't the type to have patience in a conversation to make eye contact. I know whatever he's going to say is something he has invested thought into. He places his hands on my shoulders,

"Rebecca, what do you want to do?"

I feel honored that in such a situation he would give consideration into my feelings and my desires. So many others would be selfish in fear of death, in fear of pride being lost, in fear of their life going in a way they do not want or intend. I don't know what I would expect, Eric although sometimes irrational is extremely compassionate. Raised only by his mother he always was taught respect for others especially women. I look at him.

"I don't know," I reply as my eyes fall heavy to my feet.

Just the thought of my limited options makes my heart fall into my stomach, and I feel nauseous in a way that isn't typical. I feel this sickness in my stomach, but it's so much deeper than that. My soul truly aches. He seems to understand my viewpoint as he steps forward and wraps his arms around me. His hug ends and he looks me in the eyes,