Thicker Than Blood

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I got up Saturday morning with a headache and puffy eyes from crying all night. I turned my phone back on and noticed calls and texts from not only Juice but Chibs, Tig and Jax. I deleted all of the texts and voicemails trying not to think about anything for a while.

Walking downstairs, I start the coffee maker, pulling down a cup while waiting on the to get done. Aunt Bev walks into the kitchen and sees me standing there in my pajama shorts and t-shirt. "Don't even have the decency to put on appropriate clothing before showing your face? You really are a disgrace. You know that?" She tells me with a look of disgust. "I'm sorry Aunt Bev. I was just coming to get some coffee before I showered and got dressed. I'll head back up now. It won't happen again." I respond before walking back upstairs and getting in the shower.

Thirty minutes later, I walk back downstairs, showered and dressed and ready for whatever needs to be done today. Aunt Bev and my cousin Zoey are sitting at the table looking over wedding plans. Bev is looking over the quote sheets she has from the vendors for the wedding and sighs. "Roli, looking over everything we need for Zoey's wedding, it looks like you are going to have to help pay for some of the things for the wedding." She tells me. I look at her shocked, "Why am I having to help pay for the wedding? It's not my wedding. Why can't Zoey chip in? Or her fiance?" "It is the bride's family's responsibility to pay for the wedding. Not the bride or the groom and I can't afford all that she is wanting. It's not like you are going to need the money for anything. Plus, you owe it to me for taking care of you all of these years." She tells me looking down her nose at me. "Fine." I tell her, getting up from the table and walking outside.

A couple of hours later, I walk out the door, getting into my car, and drive down to the diner to get a bite to eat. Sitting in one of the back booths, I order a water and a salad. The waitress brings my order and before I can start eating, I hear a motorcycle pull up. Looking out of the front window of the diner, I see Tig getting off his bike and heading inside. He walks up to my booth and sits down across from me. "You just going to keep avoiding us kid?" He asks, concern in his eyes. "No, I just need some time to think. Too much happening right now and I don't know how to balance it all." I tell him hoping he will drop it but seeing immediately that he won't. Tig has treated me like I was his own daughter from day one. Protective like a dad would be and I love him for it but still not letting him in completely. "We have all been trying to get in touch with you to make sure you were okay. We all know you are avoiding Juice but can't for the life of us figure out why? Juice is walking around like he's lost his best friend and barely says a word. What happened Doll Face?"

I sigh, "Tig, I don't know what the hell is going on. He asked me for a date and my stupid ass said yes. Once I got home I realized that it was not going to happen and I cancelled the date." "What makes you think it wasn't going to happen? You know he's crazy about you right?" He asked me. "Yeah right, Tig. Plus he has plenty of croweaters to keep him company. Can we please just drop it?" I plead. "Yeah Doll but you really need to talk to him. The shit we do for the club? He needs his head on straight to do that shit and he can't get straight if he thinks you are mad at him. He needs to know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours." I nod letting him know I understand. He stands, kisses me on the forehead and heads out the door. I try to finish my salad and pay my bill before heading out the door to head home.

I decide that night I will call Juice and explain everything. I walk out the back door, walk across the yard to the back fence where there is a swing under the tree. I pull out my phone and call the number I know by heart.

"Hello." Juice answers. "Hey Juice. It's Roli." I respond. He is quiet for and for a minute I thought he might have hung up on me until he finally spoke again. "Are you okay?" He asks. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just wanted to call and explain why I cancelled our date. I kind of owe you that much." I tell him. "Roli, I just need to know if I did something." He says. "No, Juice. You didn't do anything. This is all on me. See, I have had a crush on you since my first day there and seeing you with all of the croweaters all the time, it's made me think about things. I was so excited when you asked me out but then got home and really started to think about things and realized it wouldn't be a good idea." I explain. "Why wouldn't it be a good idea? I like you. You like me. What is there to not be good?" He questions. "I see the girls you pay attention to. I am not like them, Juice. I can't be like them. I can't give you what you want and they can. I couldn't handle it if we were to get together and you realize that I'm not what you want. I'm sorry." I couldn't handle it anymore so I ended the call. I put my phone in my pocket while I saw in the swing with tears rolling down my face trying to calm myself down from the building panic attack.

I sat there for another hour before walking inside, going to my room and laying down on the bed letting my phone charge for the night. Looks like another sleepless night thinking about the man I will never have.

Monday morning, I wake up still feeling like I had a lead weight on my shoulders. I still want to just stay in bed and cry but I have a job to go to and apparently a wedding to pay for. So, I get up, shower and get dressed before heading downstairs to get my coffee and head out the door. I pull on to the lot and see everyone is there but Juice. His bike is the only one gone. Maybe that is a good thing. Maybe I won't have to figure out how to avoid him today. I walk in the office to clock in and Gemma is there. "Roli, you are with me today running errands." She tells me. I just nod my head and head out the door with Gemma following her to her SUV.

Getting inside we pull off the lot and she glances at me and asks "You going to tell me what the hell happened with you and the little Rican?" I looked at her shocked. "Oh come on. You know you can't hide anything from me. I see how you look at him. I see how excited you were when he asked you out and now you look like you want to do nothing but cry. Spill it." She tells me. I look out the window with a tear running down my cheek "There's nothing to tell, Gemma. Can we please talk about something else?" I asked. "No we can't. When my family hurts I have to fix it. Now, tell me what's going on. And you better not lie." She tells me. "Fine. Juice asked me out for Friday night and I told him yes but when I got home, I was looking through my clothes to find something to wear and Aunt Bev saw me and when I told her I had a date she told me all he was going to do was pass me around and I would be a biker whore and that I should know better than to think anyone would want me. So I cancelled." I say looking down at my hands in my lap. "Shit. Roli, you know that's not true right? Juice really likes you. You are family baby. You need to get away from that woman." She tells me. " I don't know Gemma. There is no way I can give Juice what those croweaters can. I will never be what he needs me to be." I admit as I begin to cry harder. Gemma pulls off the side of the road and pulls me into a hug telling me to talk to Juice and for me and him to decide where we go from here and not let Aunt Bev have a say. I calmed down and told her I would think about it. She pulls back onto the road and we finish the errands.

Pulling back into the lot, I see Juice's bike in it's normal spot. Gemma tells me to take the rest of the day and go home and think about what she said. I head out to my car, chancing a glance at Juice as I get into my car and pull away. I see him watching me in my rearview mirror. Maybe Gemma was right. I need to get away from Aunt Bev but not having the money to move out on my own, I don't see that happening any time soon.