The crisp morning smell of the dew upon the grass always gripped to my nose. The way the sun glistened on the blades was my small light show. It was mid December, which down south this was perfectly normal, I missed the white Christmas's. I crawled out of bed and regretfully got dressed. My phone buzzed loudly on my dresser, I groaned bothered someone was trying to reach me as early as it was. I shook my head and checked my messages. My heart soared as soon as I saw who it was.
Allow me to provide some context.
I had recently found someone on a social media platform, and everything about her was perfect. I felt bad for going through her pictures, but she had this smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts, and sure enough she melted mine. We had recently become friends and as soon as we did, I remember doing a spastic happy dance in front of my family. Everything she posted, shared, and thought, made my heart grow more and more. She was smart, nerdy, and had the darkest sense of humor. I was in trouble. Some time had gone by and I sat for hours a day thinking about what to say to her, how to say something. Anything. For the first time, I was nervous and couldn't say anything. I felt my chances slipping away everyday I didn't say something.
As you can see, I was surprised to say the least. I stared at the messages she sent me with the biggest smile on my face, I thought it was going to stick forever. We kicked it off like I knew her forever. I had never been this comfortable with someone ever. I tried to be a stereotypical and play everything off cool and casual. I didn't want to rush out and tell her that I liked her and had been crushing on her since we were friends.
I didn't exactly know what she had said yet, just that she messaged me. I opened her message and my heart somewhat sank. She had said that I was hilarious, and that she needed more friends, and that her and I were friends at that very moment. Yeah, I was happy we were friends, but damn I wanted her to be mine more than anything in the world. I told her that we'd be the best of friends. We got each other's Snapchat and it went from there.
We messaged each other constantly on a daily basis. Again, I tried to play everything off cool and casual. That was my mistake. I went to her profile one day and saw that she was married. My mood has dropped entirely. Maybe she truly just wanted to be friends, I had to accept that and move on from it. She lived a couple hours away, and that never bothered me, in the vast mileage of the world a couple hours was simply a walk in the park.
I respected that she was taken, even as my heart burned to be able to call her mine. I still was funny, made my puns, but did everything from a distance to ensure I wasn't going to mess anything up. I struggled everyday, wanting to message her and tell her that I knew I could make her happier, show her how she truly was, show her how I see her through my eyes. I stopped myself every time I had the message typed up.
I had sipped the golden nectar of love, and dreams come true, and I let the chalice be taken from me. I was determined to get it back, and never let it go again.
