It was a beautiful and sunny day in the village of Juicetitty, a village which was home to over a hundred platypuses in the proud nation of Platpussyland where platypuses lived. Most of the population of Juicetitty were retired and old, but Leopold was one of the few working platypuses in the village, as he worked in the village post office. As the sun began to rise over the village, Leopold headed on out to work at the post office, where he was expecting a slow day as it was Thursday.
The day was indeed slow as Leopold struggled to find things to do. None of the platypus population had made a trip to the post office that day, and to make things worse Leopold was working on his own as his only colleague was at his cousin's gay wedding. It must have been around noon before a platypus finally came in, however, this platypus was strange because it was dressed completely in black, and his face was covered.
"Hi, my name is Leopold, how can I help you?" Said Leopold politely.
"Hi, I am the leader of the Platypus army, who just this morning declared war on the hippopotamus herd who have recently settled in our land, we need platypuses like you to destroy them." Said the mysterious platypus.
"Okay, it's been pretty slow here today and that sounds like fun." Answered Leopold, and the pair headed out of the post office to join up with the rest of the newly established army.
Over five thousand platypuses had already met in a field about ten miles north of Juicetitty, and more were expected to arrive later in the day. The platypuses began to mingle and prepare their weapons, most of the conversations centred around why the war had actually been declared in the first place, as the hippopotamuses were causing no harm to the platypuses by settling in their land. They were eagerly awaiting clarity on the situation.
As night approached, over twenty thousand platypuses had now gathered in the large field, and the black dressed platypus who recruited Leopold and many others stood up on a platform to address his newly formed army.
"Platypuses, you have been gathered from all over this land to remove the incoming threat of the hippopotamuses who have settled in our nation, our job is to travel to the location of these Hippopotamuses and kill every single one of them, let's go!" Shouted the mysterious platypus army leader.
The crowd cheered, as they began to make the long trip towards the region in which the evil hippopotamuses had settled. They walked and walked throughout the night, only stopping for brief moments to excrete platypus waste and take sips of orange juice. However, as the sun began to rise, the region was in sight as the platypuses prepared for battle.
They were greeted by two giant hippopotamuses at the gates of the region.
"We have come here to destroy you, how dare you settle in our land without asking for our permission, prepare to die!" Shouted the black dressed platypus army general. Leopold was towards the back of the platypus army, and could only hear cheers as the two giant hippopotamuses guarding the region were taken down mercilessly by the angry blood thirsty army. They unlocked the gates, and marched towards the large hippopotamus herd which lay innocently in their land, everyone prepared for battle.
The hippopotamuses were small in number, there were perhaps twenty platypuses for every one hippopotamus, but they were going to put up a fight. Both species of mammal approached each other and a fierce battle broke out, the black dressed platypus was leading from the front.
As the battle got going, hippopotamuses were beginning to kill many platypuses, mainly due to their size. Leopold was witnessing events unfold helplessly from the back, as more and more platypuses were being killed.
"Retreat!!!" Shouted the black dressed platypus as the army of platypuses began to run away. But it was no use, the black dressed army general platypus was crushed in the panic among many others by the hippopotamuses as things began to fall apart for the platypus army. Over half of the twenty thousand platypuses had now died and the hippopotamus army was largely unscathed. Leopold had managed to reach the region's gates but they were locked shut, meaning they were trapped.
Panic levels began to rise among the remaining platypuses who were being crushed and killed by the dozens every second. Leopold attempted to climb the gates but as platypuses can't climb it didn't work.
A large hippopotamus tank then appeared in the distance, and it began shooting at the platypus horde who had been cornered into a small pocket of the region next to the gate. Hundreds of platypuses were now dying by the second, Leopold was now very scared.
"Wait a minute, I could just use my magical powers which my father gave me to destroy all these hippopotamuses my self!" Muttered Leopold.
So that's what he did, after a count to three Leopold destroyed every Hippopotamus in the region in a matter of seconds, and the small amount of surviving platypuses cheered and worshipped him, however Leopold was now hungry.
"All that hippopotamus killing has made me very hungry." Said Leopold.
The surviving crowd of platypuses then began to offer Leopold food, but Leopold was so hungry that he actually ate every surviving platypus and all the dead hippopotamus caucuses until the region was only filled with dead platypuses.
So the moral of the story is, never worship a platypus called Leopold, especially when it's hungry.
The end.
