Ask Me/My Life

Um fuck.

Dear _____,

So...

I kinda just disappeared and stopped publishing and feel really really bad about it but there is no way I'm going to be able to reopen some of these books I wrote.. (Because I was younger when writing them ;-;)

I'm eighteen now and Bella is actually working now since I'm older she's in High school so she has time to work to support the house payments and shit.

I'm just really frustrated, I'm sorry.

I'm rarely on because I have started college and it's super frustrating while Bella has high school and a job I have loads of projects to finish, I liked college at first because Y'know all that fun stuff you do when you start, but then I didn't want a dorm since I couldn't be with Bella in one and the school gave me a lot of crap for it. It's exhausting, but atleast I get to work in art and things I love at the same time.

Bella caught me trying to commit suicide again and I ended up in a mental hospital for the week. They thought I had some disorder but instead I just turned out to be manic depressive,Bipolar, and apparently I have schizophrenia. Gave me these huge pills and told me to take two a day, now I have to take 4 pills a day.

Oh I did skim over the fact I tried to kill myself didn't I?

It doesn't matter that's why, I don't want people thinking I'm saying stuff like that for attention so I'll just say this, I had a gun, Bella came in my room, took the gun, called my doctor even though I told her I was fine, and I ended up in a mental hospital.

There, simple.

I actually had a therapist appointment today, it sucked because the guy kept telling me that Bella was no help, he told me I can't use her to keep myself sane, then again that does sound bad when I type it out. She just makes me feel so happy, not in a love way but like...a sister way. I don't know, maybe I do cling onto her to much. Making her drag a waste of space like me...tch..anyways, I ended up slapping him and screaming, they keep these guys at the doors. I don't like them so I call them the red eyed bunnies. It represents the demons I see in my nightmares, except a bunny because bunnies are doing good for people. So they are red eyed since I don't like them but bunnies because they are good. Those guys out these restraining cuffs on my wrist again.

I just wanted to put the point across that I knew something was going to go wrong today, and that was it. He was going to upset me, yet no one believed me. Then he got in my face and told me I was wrong. He thinks he can help me.

He's a fucking idiot I swear.

He thinks he has so much authority just because he has them protecting him. I want to see him when he's got a knife to his throat with no one around to help, let him see what it is like to be me every day. Every day he makes it worse, he damages it. Those pills do nothing! Nothing! If it wasn't for Bella I wouldn't take them. I walk around daily with a knife to my throat, one wrong move and I could cut it through. It's a slim line for me, a slim line between reality and a world of..difference.

I had a friend call me Alice, said I was her in today's form. Falling out of reality, going insane.

I liked that girl, she was sweet. Called me Alice instead of Vi. One day we even went out together and she showed up with a white rabbit mask.

She smiled and said, "You can't catch me, Alice." And laughed when I hugged her.

Then one day...She left me.

I asked her why..She never explained it. Just stopped talking to me.

I went up to her yesterday actually, tapped her shoulder and said, "Hey White rabbit. Can I have some of your time to talk?"

She looked at me up and down, scoffed and said, "You could never catch me, Alice." And left me standing there.

What a come back..She won't tell me why, Olive told me it was because she doesn't like me anymore. Because she found my doctor records or some thing..but she always liked my insanity, told me that's what made me Alice. Told me that's why she's my white rabbit....

Did she find a new Alice?

No...She doesn't even talk to anyone anymore..

I'll figure it out one day.

Love,

♠♥Violet♥♠