THE CARAVAN OF LOVE
OPENING SONG 'CARAVAN OF LOVE'.
EXT. CAR BOOT SALE -- MORNING
Bob, Tom, Dave and Ian walk around the car boot sale.
Tom stops at a camera stall that has a closing down sign on it.
TOM
Closing down? Why?
STALLHOLDER
My warehouse went on fire a few weeks ago. I lost everything.
TOM
Sorry to hear it. I'm looking for an old camera, to document the evidence.
STALLHOLDER
What evidence?
TOM
Oh I dunno, it depends on what happens.
STALLHOLDER
I've only got this old Polaroid, and one film. The rest was destroyed in the fire.
TOM
Where was this fire?
STALLHOLDER
Down on the industrial estate, near town.
TOM
You didn't hire an electrician did you?
STALLHOLDER
No, but the factory next door had a complete re wiring job.
TOM
Bob.
Camera switches to Bob.
Bob stops at pound's stall.
Pound sits on top of a pile of junk.
There is an old 60's trippy colour box caravan behind it.
BOB
Wow. Look at all this stuff. How much did you pay for it?
POUND
Pound!
BOB
Great. Looks like you've got some fantastic stuff in here.
Bob sifts through the junk, and spots parts of Shitty shitty Bang Crash.
He notices that a lot of his old furniture is there too.
Tom approaches.
TOM
Hey Bob, most of this stuff looks very familiar.
BOB
Yeah, I have a sneaky suspicion that I used to own most of this stuff.
Dave approaches.
DAVE
Just exactly what is it we're looking for?
TOM
Yeah. It's foggy, it's freezing, and we live in a tent in your allotment. My bollocks are still frozen.
BOB
Don't worry about that Tom, no harm done.
TOM
No harm done? Oh I get it, it's another 'Have a go at Tom's bollocks' time isn't it?
DAVE
You started it. Besides, Bob's right. No harm done. Anyway, if you wore proper underpants instead of those stupendously huge hand me down Y fronts, your bollocks might not be so shrivelled and tiny.
