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Kamal's POV

Lina Stewart was a fellow pediatrician , whom I'll admit I strongly had a crush on  , and although I always tend to be oversharing , I never told or showed my fond of the girls I liked to anyone ,   because I kind of always felt like If I couldn't tell the person that I like them , how could I tell others about that .. funny enough telling people that I like their personalities or anything about them honestly comes up with the package of my weird personality , I'd even shout I love you for someone who shares the same point of view on a subject am excited about , but reaching for girls I like romantically wasn't my strongest point at all , even though am not a shy person in general , but in this situations I prefer to wait till it fades away itself , the feelings I mean .

Lina wasn't my friend , which is odd , because am used to like people after getting to know them first and then shaking it off would be as hard as hell , but I manage.

I tend to think that I was the only one who actually noticed her , she was beyond reserved and quite , she was so coy she'd wait forever if someone pasted her place when waiting for a report or a test result or something , and that was the first time we interacted . A mother of I child with a severe case of anemia told me that it's been over 15 min and she's still waiting for the new doctor to come back and tell them about her child's current situation . The young boy was used to getting blood transports that he seemed so careless , but his mother's heart will never get used to it , and even though its a routine check up , she was always nervous enough to roughen up a nurse or breaks her anxiety free on a doctor , yet she trusted me , enough to actually complain to me about another doctor's action , which I always explained to her was not actually my job , but I nicely try to help her , for that I know how hard it is to have someone you love down with a chronic illness no matter what it was .

I found her waiting in line , and watched how every single time someone comes in a rush saying then needed their reports ASAP she quietly said nothing and didn't ask for hers , it looked like she had no presence at all and none of them actually noticed her enough to respect the fact that she was there first . I went up to the window as she looked like she was finally about to reach the window and took the lab results and told her to follow me , she opened her mouth to say something and failed to .. I was actually extremely annoyed of what she's done and after the patient left and she quietly apologized to the mother  , I asked to have a word with her in a serious tone , yet she again quietly agreed .

I lectured her for about half an hour about how irresponsible she was and she said nothing back she only nodded which got on my nerves , but the minute I stopped talking she finally asked if it was all I wanted to say , I was frustrated thinking she meant that as an excuse to leave and nodded for her to leave , though that didn't happen , She actually started asking me questions on how to do things better , she was interested in getting better , and I helped by answering whatever she said , but to be fair I thought it was of no use with her kind of personality she should've chosen another line of work . Only for my surprise that the coming weeks showed off a better version of her , she actually didn't wait in line more than she's supposed to , she wasn't a push over to the nurses and patients anymore , but she kept her quiet reserved and polite interaction with them , in no time I found myself noticing her presence .. and furthermore she took a space of my thoughts and I grew feelings for the silent nice pediatrician .

The fact that I saw that awful crime scene , seeing Lina's body lying there without a head screwed me up for days , and I just felt guilt , I'd even make scenarios in my head of how she could've been with me having dinner if I only asked her out or done anything about it .

But what was more to it , the fact that the day before I was wandering my worlds of fantasies , and I ended up in a sick one where I wanted to be a serial killer , I actually read a list of the most deranged psycho serial killers and Ted Bundy was the first in that list . For this coincidence to happen , I actually felt guilt , I felt like I was being punished to like such an awful things .

Lina died , and my feelings keeps stretching instead of going away , the guilt is eating me up and now I won't be able to tell her how much she's a good person a good doctor and how much I am fond of her , her brown hair and black eyes that went missing , her slow reserved walk that I won't be able to quietly smile at from distance . Lina was taken away and that was only the beginning of it .