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[lower case intended, the whole thing will be in jun's point of view as this is a letter from minghao. minghao's letter will be in italic and junhui's actions and speech will be in bold]
junhui....you were the person who had and still has my soul and heart, yet you destroyed them both. overall my life is a fucking mess right now, but i'm sure you know that already. you were the person who got me out of that mess and threw me right back in after all....look i don't want you to feel guilty, not that you will but i'm still going to warn you. i know that you probably won't care and that there's no point in me ranting to you like that and that it won't matter anymore when you'll be reading this but i just had to get these things off of my chest, because i don't have anybody to talk to anymore. after all you are still my best friend right......whatever. well as i was saying, more like writing.....my parents are almost at a point of disowning me now, because after we stopped talking i started sneaking out to go and smoke, i got involved with some bullshit excuse of a gang and my parents found out about all of that , i'm failing in almost all of my classes at school and the worst of all is that you......my best friend is now my enemy, just because of me and my dumbass fucking feelings you shouldn't have found out about. you hate my guts now, isn't that funny. you're probably asking yourself why the fuck am i still suffering over you, a straight man and why do i just not find a new "fling" as you said that one time. well the thing is....you weren't and will never be a fling jun, you'll always be in my heart, even if you don't believe it you aren't a fling, nor a crush or just a person i like.....you are the one i'm madly in love with. so...right now i'm writing this to you on my bloodied bathroom floor. "why is the floor bloodied?", you may ask yourself. well it's because i tried the thing i swore to never do anymore....well i only swore to you to be precise, not to myself but whatever. i harmed myself, and i went overboard. my hands all bruised now. i know that it's fucking dumb, pathetic and so on, but it was my first time in a while and i just couldn't help it...... i really miss you, jun. i miss your smile, your laugh, your sparkling eyes when you talk about something you like (too bad that it wasn't and still isn't me). i miss everything about you. i'm just here on the floor, laughing and crying at the same time like a dude who has completely lost his mind, which is kind of true to be honest. i'm just remembering everything about us and all the things we went through. all the good and bad moments we had, how we laughed and cried together. but it hurts....it hurts remembering you, knowing that i won't see you anymore. well....now i'm gonna get to the actual topic of this letter. jun, i love you....like, a lot,you were the person who always managed to bring a smile to my face, regardless if you were next to me or far away. i always have you on my mind, whatever the reason is. you were my ray of sunshine, my strength. if it weren't for you i'd probably be long off dead by now and i am extremely grateful for all you did for me. yeah i know that if you still care for me even a little bit you'll probably be very disappointed right now....but i couldn't help it, jun. i just can't continue on living, knowing that you can't look at my face without being utterly disgusted. i'm sorry....i'm sorry for that i have ruined our relationship, sorry for giving you so much trouble. i really hope that you'll be better off without me, jun. i really hope that you'll find a nice girl and have a happy family with her. all i want you to do is to completely forget about me, forget that i have ever existed. i really hope that everything will be better for everyone now. i won't trouble you, nor my parents or anybody in particular. so that's basically all i had to say to you, my love. i hope that you'll be happy in the future. please return that beautiful smile to your face. remember that i do and always will love you. -minghao
i was balling my eyes out by now. i didn't even know what to cry over, minghao's lifeless body in my arms or the letter that i just read. it was excruciatingly painful to read that thing. i have never known that he thought and felt such things. i can't believe i did that to him. to the only person i could call my friend......and lover. yes i love him and i can't believe that i realized that just now and that i caused all that shit to happen just because i was fucking scared, scared of my parents and of what the people around me may think. i just lost the most important person in my life....and for what, for people's fucking opinion towards me. i killed my love.....my love is dead........he's gone....dead.
