Heart Locked.

Chapter 1- Part 1

The moon has never been as big and round as tonight. As I lay here tonight with my hands enclosed in his I could really start to think of that path that has led me to where I am, where I want to go and most importantly who I want to be. I sat up and looked at him. I know the words I wanted to say to him may or will defiantly ruin the moment that we're having. That gut feeling just took over me and the words came out too fast that I too couldn't understand myself. 

 'Why do you like me?' 

 At this point I was lying on his lap and all he could do was to look straight into the vast land around us. As I looked at him from where I was, I knew that he was deep in thought. Though I knew he was not with me mentally. I got up from his lap and tried to fix my gaze on him. As I told him once before during one of our many midnight phone calls, I could never really look him in the eye.

The gleam in his eyes was unbearable to watch as it only reinforces the fact that this guy will one day break my heart that fact was unbelievably true even though I try to put it out of my mind and heart it keeps creeping back stronger and meaner each time. 

 Finally his gaze shot up to mine. 

 I tried to look away, but his hands held my face tightly yet it felt as soft as silk so he could look into my eyes. I could see the determination, the determination that allowed me the strength to feel the emotion. The strength to just to feel each moment as it was the last moment we would be together. I knew that after tonight I no longer have any claim to him, I knew being with him would hurt me deeper than anything that I've ever gone through.  

 I told myself I had to push out all those awful thoughts and to just be with him tonight. Is that what I've wanted all those months before? To have him just hold me, to keep me in place so that I could just let my guard down for once trying to remember the best date i've ever been on, and spending it with jasper was like the sweet cherry on top of delicious sundae.

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Staring at my blank hand phone screen, I tried to send a witty reply back to him, which was considerably difficult as I held back the tears that were threatening to expose what I was really feeling. I felt hurt, no, it was more than that. It felt as if he had taken a dagger to my heart. It was difficult not to feel this way as I went back to reread his text still trying to word a reply.

As I reread the text, I couldn't hold back the tears any longer; they began to slide down to my cheek. I tried to wipe the first few drops, but soon I felt that it had become a redundant task as more and more came, blurring my vision and making the rest of my face tear-stained.

I reread his text one last time,

'Last night was fun, but I don't want it to be serious'

I allowed my heart to ache one last time and started to reply to his text,

'My feelings exactly. Nights jasp'

As soon as I replied him, I quickly deleted all his text telling me that he missed me and how much he wanted to see me. In my heart, I felt like a pathetic fool for believing that crap. I felt like banging my head on the wall for being such a stupid loved-trucked dummy. It's not as if I haven't been warned by one of my closest girlfriend, natty, about the way he treated girls, as if they were his little playthings.

The vibration in pocket alerted me that he had replied. I conteplated if I should even read his text, but that little ounce of curiosity wanted to know his reply.

my expresion turned from a blank stupor to a jaw-drop expression as i read his reply.

'Oh, i didn't know you felt that way too. hmm if you feel that way too, maybe we could do that again soph, Nights. Miss you already'

Fine, he wanted to play that game. let the games begin.