Lost Stars | Chaelisa

Chapter 8

We were lying in her bed when something from her bedside caught my attention. I picked it up and stared at it. "What is this?" I asked her.

"That's my sobriety chip," said Lisa. "They give that to recovering drug addicts at the CA Meeting."

"Oh okay." I looked at her, but she was just silent. "Hey, I'm not judging. I knew some people who went through the same thing. I think it's really cool that you've been clean for 90 days."

"Yup. 90 going on a hundred in a few days."

"That's great, Lisa," I said as I stroke her cheek.

"It's fucking torture."

"Hey, you're doing great. Just keep on going."

"Can I tell you something?" asked Lisa.

"Of course."

"There's this girl who's in the same support group as I am. A few days ago, I saw her buying from a drug dealer. And I can't help but wonder how long I can keep this up. Every now and then, I feel like I'm about to fall off the wagon."

"Well, she's not you. Just because she fell off the wagon, doesn't mean you will, too."

"Thanks, Chaeyoung."

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you get into drugs?"

"Well... I came from a broken home. When I was 15, my mom died and my dad married his mistress. I didn't wanna live with them so I ran away. Ended up in the streets and started running with the wrong crowd. I sold drugs for a living. Eventually, I started using them, too. So yeah... that's how it all started."

"I get it, you know... I mean, I've never done drugs. But I get the whole running away part."

"You mean running away from your ex?"

"Not just my ex. From everyone and everything. I feel like even when I do my best, I'm just not good enough. My parents never appreciate what I do. All they see is my brother. It's like I always have to fight for their approval and I'm so tired of it," I said. "I guess it's somehow the same with my ex. I kept putting up with her bullshit because I was desperate for her attention."

"I guess that's how it is, you know. Every choice we make in life is just an attempt to fill one hole after the other."

"Maybe you're right. And maybe because of that, we sometimes end up in a place that's even worse than before."

"Like being in bed with me?"

"Yeah," I said laughing. "No, I'm just kidding. Actually, I take that back. I feel like I'm in a much better place right now."

"Whatever you say, Park Chaeyoung."

"I wanna go sleep in my own bed, but I really don't think I can walk right now."

She laughed. "You're exaggerating."

"In case you don't know, my butt was a virgin when I met you," I said. "Can I stay here?"

She was kinda hesitant at first. "Okay," she finally said.

"Also, can you cuddle me?"

She laughed at my request and said, "Fine. But only because I feel sorry for your butt."

"Just shut up and cuddle me," I said.

She wrapped her arms around me and we both fell asleep.