Looking to help people who suffer in silence.
Sometimes i wake up in the morning and when i look myself in the mirror all i do is notice all the bad things in my body the spots the shape but what hurts the most is that ive grown in a family where dad had drinking problems mum was not strong enough to stand on her own two feet and being hit when i had done nothing wrong.
social services got involved 2 times at the third time they have been looking to how this can all change in the last copuple of months mum had financial problems they affected the family me and my brothers. I was never the type of girl who went out with friends or spoke to boys because i wasn't allowed to. In school i was slacking and doing bad sometimes skipped lessons most of the times i just wanted to be alone. To me that was the only way of escaping the drama around me but it wasn't the best way, especially when at the time i wasnt allowed out and got banned from doing things but it only made me want to do them more so i did i started to come home late i would miss lessons and not complete my homework i would speak to boys and one day my friend envited me to go with her so i did not knowing where i was going she lead me into the park near our school and took out cigarettes from her bag and started to smoke so i tried and i liked it so everyday after school we would go and smoke and i met a boy who i really liked and he use to come see me when my dad was at work and mum was asleep but i never really liked talking to anyone about what happened between me and him. Its now October 2012 and its been a month nearly since i met a very special person who i really like and love, he's always on my mind and im always thinking about him everytime i get off skype from him a tear falls down my eye because i know im going to miss him. Talking to him and being myself, its like ive found the perfect picture i was looking for but its still not completed, but so many things happenned before and i stopped believing that one day my life wouldnt be full of sadness but instead happyness but now that i met him i have began to feel happy and supported and loved, i don't know if its a good or a bad thing but i love him i know he might find it strange or awkward but something about him makes me love him so much.
(Going back 2 the past)
when i was 14 i lost my virginity to a boy who i really loved and trusted until he cheated on me with my own best friend who knew all of my struggles well mostly all of them anyway, when i found out i felt completly lost and with evrything that was happening around me and all the pain the only thing i resorted to was smoking and self harming which wasnt the right things to do as days went past i got use to it the blood pours and the stings but it would take away pain but i had to stop because i knew my mum would see the scars. So one day when i was allowed out i left my house with no destination so i just went to a park near by which was when i met this guy who seemed really nice but what i didnt know was that he was too dangerous he was roughly 17 at the time this happened. It was dark at the time and no one was around and he had a knife put to my neck he called one of his friends to come and his friend came his friend was roughly 16 and i just wanted to scream and run but i couldn't so all i could do was cry his friend held the knife to my neck and said " if you scream or try to move your dead" so i just followed their orders and that day was on the 16th of may the day i remember as being raped which was the worst time of my life the time i wanted to just die but instead all i could do was sit down rocking myself forward and backwards while crying. When this happened i was only 15.
if you want me to continue please comment some of you might hate it but everyone has their secrets
