7:00
I woke up to my alarm clock's annoying routine of waking me up.
Pain, searing pain, it was all I felt as I was reminded of the horrific events of last night. How could I let it happen? How was I unable to do anything about it?
All night long.
Why hadn't I noticed the clues? He came home from work late, he was drunk out of his mind, he locked the door as he entered my room and he was freakin' drunk! How could I be so stupid?
I soon fell in my sea of thoughts and pain.
2:00
I woke up to realize i've really slept in. My parents must have left early for work taking my siblings to school along the way. But why'd no one wake me up for school? I push the thought out of my mind and decide to just be grateful to have a day off from school. And no better day. Then I remembered the reason I woke up in the first place was to use the bathroom.
But how?
The only reason I was able to sleep on the pain was because I hadn't slept all night. So getting up and moving around couldn't be to much work but going to the bathroom was another story. But I at least need to move around in case I ever needed to so I gave it a shot.
Big Mistake
The second my legs were in motion the pain surged all throughout me. It felt like being stabbed with a knife on every inch of my skin on my legs over and over again. Not only that I was having a headache that felt like someone was hammering a nail into my head and to add onto that i was feeling a bit nauseated. Oh you can imagine the joy I felt
But I still somehow managed to miraculously get up. So I made my way to the bathroom in hopes of getting some medicine to deal with all my pain and suffering. As I was making my way I heard the TV from the living room and just assumed it was my mom. She could have come back from work early to find a sickly pale girl caught in a deep sleep. Being the mother she is she decided to let me rest and take the day off so she could care for me.
So I decided to push that thought out of my mind and focus on the task on hand. Getting rid of this pain.
I step into the bathroom and turn on the lights even though i'd much rather stay in the dark. Before I open the medicine cabinet I get a glimpse of my appearance and stand their staring back at the person staring back at me. I knew I felt like a mess but I didn't know I looked like one. I had a halo of tangled hair surrounding my head and enormous bags under my blood-shot eyes all because of him. After taking some Advil I decided a shower was the best way to handle this situation. Peeling off my clothes was a challenge but it had to be done.
I'll burn them later.
I didn't realize how dirty I felt until the scalding hot water came in contact with my skin. It felt so good to actually feel good since the nightmare of yesterday. I wanted to make this moment last. So I did.
Sitting down in the shower while letting the water cover every inch of my body I thought about the events of last night. And I just let the steam and water cleanse my mind and soul of those evil things challenging to take over my thoughts until there was nothing left to think or feel. I was blank. Empty. Nothing could ruin this moment for me because for once in a long time I felt whole.
Too bad it didn't last long.
*****
Right now i'm in my room debating on whether or not to head downstairs to dinner. My mom already thinks i'm sick so I could use that as an excuse. But then again I don't want her to worry about me or find out I lied to her just to skip school. And if I let that happen she would demand to know why and at that point I know I wouldn't be able to lie again, especially to her face. I decided to play it cool and skip dinner with my family just to avoid anymore trouble. Besides I wasn't ready to face my father yet or if I was ever going to be able to. So I fluffed up my pillows, pulled the blankets closer and moved my computer to my lap as I slid Frozen into the CD slot.
Call me a loser for choosing Frozen of all movies but it was just what I needed right now. What Elsa and Anna went through was something I could relate to. Like how they lost their parents is like how I lost sight of my father. Also when Elsa learned to shut out everyone after learning the cold hard truth about the world is exactly what i'm going through.
I still can't believe he did that. And to his own daughter? I know know he was drunk but really? I heard that when your drunk your true colors show and ther's nothing holding back your thoughts and actions when the alcohol takes over. But is that really what he thinks whenever he sees me? That he wants to-
My depressing thoughts were interrupted when I hear a knock on the door and a sweet feminine voice.
"Honey can I come in?"
I raise my voice a little so she can hear me threw the door.
"Yeah mom come in."
She's carrying a tray of food which must be my dinner. Today she decided to cook her famous chicken pot pie, my favorite.
"You weren't looking so bright this morning so I made your favorite for dinner. Lots for nutrients in there that should really help."
"Thanks mom. For everything. I wasn't really sure you were gonna let me stay home today."
"Well you weren't really looking so good today. How are you feeling?" She asked as she checked my forehead for a fever
"I'm feeling fine. I think it was just exhaustion from stay up late these past few days." I said as I averted my eyes from hers to my comforter
"Seems to be the case. You don't seem like you have a fever or a cold. Do you feel well enough to go to school tomorrow?"
"Yeah I think I can make it." I said still not making eye contact
"You sure? I'm offering you another day to skip school"
It was tempting but I couldn't stand the thought of lying and taking advantage of her again.
"Yeah i'm sure. I wouldn't want to miss another day of school and have the homework pile up and attack me."
"Okay but if you ever want to leave early just call me whenever. And make sure you get some rest and eat up." She said as she stood up to leave.
I could sense the uncertainty in her voice but I still couldn't find it in me to make eye contact with her.
"I will. Goodnight mom."
"Goodnight."
I don't know if i'll be able to tell anyone if I can't tell my mom first. But how could I tell her such a thing? Would she even believe me?
I can't risk ruining my relationship with my mom because of my father.
I can't risk tearing apart this family because of my father.
I can't do anything because of my father.
So I guess no one will know because of my father.
*****
Hey guys so sorry for the long wait for this next chapter. I sorta gave up on this book for a month then all of a sudden jumped back into the mood of writing it. So hopefully that doesn't happen again and i'll be able to update weekly.(i'm thinking Tuesdays or Wednesdays) So as always don't forget to vote if you liked it and comment any improvements you think are needed in the story so far.
And don't forget to listen to the song on the side it explains really well how Alisha is feeling towards the end of the book. Its one of my all time favs but what do you think about it?
