When You Are Old And Grey (Jerrie)

Part ten

Jesy:

I could hear laughing and then footsteps coming towards the door. Leigh-Anne looked over at me quickly, pointing her finger with a stern look on her face.

"Be nice Jessica"

Before I could answer the door swung open to reveal Jade with a big smile on her face and an even bigger Afro on her head. I bloody well knew she was here. Without a word I pushed past her and looked around the hallway as if Perrie might be hiding somewhere.

"Thank god your okay" I could hear Leigh-Anne say behind me.

I opened my mouth to tell Jade just what I thought of her little hiding act when a voice wafted into the hallway.

Who was it babe.

Leigh-Anne's head shot up and she caught my eye. I knew that voice.  Jade looked nervously between us.

"Uhm you better come out here"

The kitchen door was pushed open and there she was. Standing in the doorway. Just like I had seen her a million times before. Blonde hair pulled back off her face in a high pony tail, blue eyes sparkling. I had seen her like this more times than I could count but it felt like the first time that I had looked and really saw her and all she had been through. She wasn't the same Perrie.

My hand clutched at my heart as tears sprung to my eyes. The weight of the loss that we all could have suffered pressed in upon me until I thought it would burst through my chest.

"Jade?" Perrie said, sounding surprised and a little nervous as she took in the scene in front of her.

Silence seemed to stretch in front of us for hours until it was broken by Leigh-Anne rushing forward and pulling Perrie into a tight embrace.

I stood awkwardly watching them, unsure of what I should do. Why was I being so weird about this. It was Perrie for gods sake. I walked forward slowly to see Leigh and Perrie break their embrace. Leigh-Anne was wiping tears from her face, Perrie looked over at my shyly.

"Come here Perrie winkle"

She crashed into my arms as the flood gates opened. The longer I held her the more weight was lifted off my shoulders. This was the only therapy I needed. Having the four of us together and okay made everything fall into place, even if Jade did deserve a well aimed kick after disappearing.

It took me a few minutes to realize that Perrie was whispering quietly into my ear.

"...I am so sorry Jess, I never wanted to hurt you, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry"

Her tears were running down the side of my neck as she hugged me tighter. I ran my hands up and down her back. God I needed a fucking strong vodka to deal with all these emotions.

"Come on Pez, lets go into the sitting room" I suggested as I managed to pry her off me.

The minute Perrie was out of my embrace Jade crossed the hallway and held her hand. I tried not to get annoyed but the thought of them together after everything that Jade had done pissed me off.

I followed Leigh-Anne into the sitting room and took a seat beside her on the couch. Jade pulled herself and Perrie onto the recliner across from us. I tried not to scoff as I looked at the two of them crushed together. Another awkward silence began to build between us.

I shifted on the couch and opened and closed my mouth a few times, unsure of what to say without losing my cool at Jade.

"So" Perrie began with a nervous laugh.

"So" I repeated. Perrie caught my eye and offered me a small smile.

Why was this so hard.

"How was the trip?" Jade asked. Was she seriously asking us that. I rolled my eyes.

"Oww you bitch" I let out while rubbing my arm where Leigh had just hit me. Leigh-Anne just stuck her tongue out at me and turned her attention back to Jade and Perrie.

"It's so good to see you both" Perrie started. "Not to be rude or anything but why exactly are you here?"

I tried not to be offended by her question. Maybe coming here was a mistake.

"Eh" Leigh looked at me unsurely "we couldn't find Jade and we were pretty worried so we came to see if she might be here"

I watched Jade carefully as Leigh-Anne spoke. Dark bags were clearly evident under her eyes. She looked recked. Had she always looked that drained. Maybe she wasn't okay. Oh god, what if she wasn't okay?

"Jess...."

It took me a few minutes to notice that everyone was looking at me expectantly.

"Sorry, I was totally zoned out"

Perrie cleared her throat.

"I was just saying that we have a lot to talk about"

That was the fucking understatement of the year.

"I suppose firstly I just want you to know that I didn't want to kill myself"

I winced at her directness. I guess we were really doing this.

"I didn't want to kill myself but obviously that's nearly what happened. I can't apologize enough for what all of you must have went through. If I'm honest, I couldn't see past the pain that I was in, I didn't think about how it might effect you guys and for that I am so sorry"

Tears were starting to build in Perrie's eyes as Jade wrapped her arm around her.

"Jade and I have hid a lot from you both and that's on us. We accept responsibility for any mistrust that there might be between us all"

She paused and looked nervously at Jade.

"Jade and I have a lot we need to work on but we want to be together. We want to be together, but Little Mix comes first. We want you both to take some time to think about if you can accept us being together within the band"

I nodded and looked to Leigh-Anne to see her reaction.

"Jess and I will do that for you but we want you to do something for us too"

"Of course, anything" Perrie answered eagerly.

"We want you both to come back to London, we want the four of us to spend time together. We want to figure out if we can feasibly go back out on tour"

She glanced at me nervously before continuing.

"Are you okay Pez? Like are you feeling...Uh...zen or whatever?"

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing, soon being joined by Perrie and Jade.

"You guys" Leigh moaned "You guys stop, it's not funny" she huffed while a smile played at the corners of her mouth.

She finally gave in and joined in our laughter. I looked around at my three sisters, a wide smile on my face.

We were going to be okay.

A/N: Thank you for your patience ♥️