Stay Awake With Me [Destiel, College!AU]

3. Understanding

Cas turned and half staggered into the dorm. His brain was full of fuzzies and he barely made it to his room before the need to lie down became too much. He fell onto his bed and curled up into a ball at one end, a smile on his face and his stomach filled to the brim with butterflies. Only a week ago, Cas hadn't even known who Dean was, and now he couldn't imagine not knowing. Castiel hadn't felt like this in so very long. He felt so happy that he could burst. Usually, his life was nothing more than family arguments and doing what he was told. Often, Cas found himself so confused about everything that he just wished the world would get on with and blow up already. His eyelids were soon far too heavy to keep open and for the first time in a long time, Cas actually wanted to sleep. He wanted to dream. And dream, he did.

It was yet another dream about Dean. He woke up and while he remembered it all, scribbled it into his notebook. Things got a bit vague towards the end, but at least he'd gotten the more important things down on paper. It had been a good dream. He'd spent 24 hours with Dean and they'd both loved every second of it. Cas could remember Dean's laugh best of all. To Cas, the story wasn't important because, being a dream, it was mostly likely ridiculous and nonsensical. It was the emotions behind the dream that mattered, and the little bits, like a laugh, or a hug or a shouted word.

Cas stayed in bed for almost an hour before he dragged himself up. Saturday. Finally the weekend. TAKE THAT, THURSDAY! YOUR PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED!


At 11am, only 1 hour after eating breakfast, Castiel was standing under the pavilion in the park, praying to God that Dean would find him. His insides felt all tingly and he was unable to stay still.

"Cas!" Dean was rounding the corner, waving his arms, a smile that could light up a room, visible even from far away.

Cas took a deep breath and headed towards him. "Hello, Dean."

"Cas… Would you like to grab something to eat?" Dean beckoned Castiel over.

Cas nodded. He wasn't actually hungry, but it was obvious that Dean wished to talk.

They walked together through the trees, silently. Both men hand their hands in their pockets and were hunched over against the cold.

"Why did you kiss me Dean?" Cas asked finally. The question had been nagging at him. After all, Dean had been kissing Anna….

Dean turned down a path and stayed quiet for a while. "It just… felt like the right thing to do at the time….I don't know…. I mean, it feels wrong now."

Cas winced like he'd been hit in the stomach. 

Dean glanced at Cas for a moment, true fear flashed in his eyes. "No, Cas, not wrong like that!" He continued in a hurry. "I mean, it's just that I don't even know you man."

Castiel relaxed a bit and followed Dean into a small restaurant. "I'd understand if you… regret doing it…" he almost whispered.

Dean sat down at a table next to the window and Cas slid into the seat opposite him. "I don't regret it, Cas…. I just want to get to know you." He sounded nervous, but his eyes were entirely certain. They were sparkling and interested and focussed on Cas.

"I didn't think you were…. You know…"

"Gay?" Dean chuckled. "Neither did I really… but I have this feeling. That you're special and important. And I like you Cas. I don't want to miss a chance." 

Cas smiled. A real proper grin. The sort of grin that very rarely showed on Castiel's face.

A waitress came over then and since this was a place Cas had never been before, Dean ordered for him.

"Now," he knitted his fingers together and leant across the table. "Tell me about you."

Cas blushed. "I'm Castiel Novak... I grew up in Pontiac, Illinois and my family's messed up.' He shrugged.

Dean smiled softly. "What's wrong with your family?"

Cas frowned down at his hands. Dean's piercing gaze was too much. Too intense. He couldn't escape it. "Dad left us years ago…. Everyone says that he's dead…"

"Do you believe that?" 

"No. I believe that he's out there. Somewhere… Anyway, his absence has sparked a lot of arguments amongst my sibling and me." He looked back up. His stomach was churning and Dean was still staring at him. Cas bit his lip. "I was confused last night, because, well, I saw you and Anna…. Kissing…"

Dean visibly swallowed and rubbed his hand over his mouth. "Anna kissed me… and, I mean come on, she's a hot chick. But when I saw you there…. I don't know," he sighed. "I've only known you for a week or something."

"Romeo and Juliet fell in love and got married after only meeting twice," Cas mumbled, barely audible.

Dean choked on the water he was drinking and looked at Cas, eyes wide.

"I was joking, Dean." Castiel smiled and looked up to watch as a huge burger was placed in front of him.

Dean licked his lips and smiled at the waitress. It was that cheesy smile again.

They ate in silence again.

Dean devoured his burger in minutes.

Cas was slower, taking small tentative bites at first. It did taste good… His phone buzzed in his pocket and he flipped it open to see a message from Anna.

You with Dean? 

Yes, but not like that -_-

You should be…. 

Cas tucked his phone back into his pocket and pushed his plate away from him.

"Not hungry, Cas?" 

Castiel shrugged.

Dean, having destroyed his own meal, stood up and held out a hand to Cas. "Let's get out of here."

Cas burned bright red and took the hand that was offered to him.

Dean pulled him to his feet, holding on as he paid for their meal.

Cas shivered. Dean's hand was hot against his and he felt all tingly. He was dragged from the restaurant then as Dean headed off, down the street.

When Dean let their hands fall, Cas' heart ached. He wanted to reach out and snatch it back, but as Dean said, they hardly knew each other.

"So, Angel boy… how do you and Anna know each other?" 

"We grew up together. She's kind of like my sister, really." Cas looked in the shops as they walked past. They were in the sort of area with all the shop windows crammed full of wedding dresses. Castiel thought some of them were ridiculous. Ask him something! Talk to him you idiot! Cas' mind prodded him and Cas turned to look at Dean as they walked. "Do you like bees?" Cas asked. What sort of question was that?! Oh, great, now he's going to think you have a screw loose. 

Dean stopped walking and frowned in confusion before laughing, reaching out and grabbing hold of Cas by the shoulders. He pulled him forward and kissed him.

Cas melted. The wind ruffled his hair as he wrapped his arms around Dean. Sure, he didn't know this man all too well, but he'd never felt this certain about anything in his life. Not about his writing, or his family, or his friendship with Anna. Nothing. Dean was new.

"Please let me understand you," Dean mumbled against Castiel's lips.

"I just so happen to like bees," Cas whispered back as Dean knotted a hand in his hair.

"Get a room!" A man jogging past them shouted out and Cas sprung away from Dean guiltily.


They spent the rest of the afternoon in the park, lying back on the grass and staring up at the sky. They talked about Cas' writing (Cas refused to show Dean anything) and they talked about Dean's car (it had belonged to his Dad). At the use of past tense, Cas looked over at Dean, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

Dean shrugged. "He crashed her a while ago and couldn't be bothered fixing her. I said I'd look after her and he let me take her off his hands."

"And you only just fixed it?"

"No… Oh, right, when you bumped into me… She doesn't have the most reliable engine," Dean flipped over onto his stomach and picked at the grass. "I had her up and running way before then."

Cas nodded and the conversation continued until the sky began to get dark.

"We should probably head home," Dean got to his feet and pulled Cas up after him.

Castiel smiled.

Dean looked down at their joined hands and didn't let go. He smiled softly and started walking.

Cas shivered. A happy shiver, not a cold shiver, though it was quite chilly. 

They once again walked right up to the entrance to Cas' dorm. Before going their separate ways, Dean took a pen from the inside pocket of Castiel's trench coat, took Cas' hand and scribbled his phone number down.

"Don't lose that number," he said as though it was the most urgent thing in the world.

Cas nodded and chewed on his bottom lip.

"Oh, that's not fair! You're not supposed to be that freaking cute!" Dean muttered, trying to stop the smile that was creeping onto his face.

"My apologies," Cas said and Dean started to… well, it was a cackle really.  Cas blushed.

Dean pulled Castiel in for a hug. Just a hug. It started off as the sort of friendly squeeze, but then Dean didn't let go and Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, burying his face into the man's neck and breathing in the smell of Dean, the smell of hair gel and shampoo with a hint of engine grease and dirt. It wasn't a strong smell. It was just Dean.

Dean kissed Cas on the back of the neck softly, resting his cheek against his head. He sighed happily and wriggled his hand under Cas' shirt to trace circles on the soft skin of his lower back.

Castiel shuddered and hugged Dean tighter. "I want to have more days like this," he breathed, lips tickling Dean's neck.

"I don't see any reasons why you shouldn't have more days like this…" Dean swayed on the spot, slowly letting his arms fall to his sides.

"So… I'll see you tomorrow?" Cas asked hopefully, grabbing hold of Dean's callused hand as he stepped back.

Dean grinned. "Of course you will! I'll even pick you up! You must hear my entire music collection and learn to appreciate every single song!"

Cas chuckled and rubbed at the back of his neck, squeezing Dean's hand before letting go.

"You know, I had more fun with you today than I've hand in a long time… years," Dean sounded slightly surprised and utterly content.

Cas nodded thoughtfully a smile still tugging at his lips. "Goodnight, Dean."

"Night Angel Boy," Dean chuckled and almost skipped down the steps and back onto the path, whistling cheerfully, hands in pockets, happy.

Cas watched him until he was out of sight before floating up to his room, passing all the people in the hallway, some of which stopped to stare at him as he drifted past, grinning stupidly. At that moment, Castiel was perfectly happy.