the boy next door

2

MACKENZIE ZIEGLER
friday, december 8

i wake up squinting. a ray of sunlight is going straight through the shutters and practically blinding me. i scrunch my eyes and roll over. now the only thing i can see is my empty room. i sigh and grab my phone, punching the home button to check the time. it's ten, so i get up and go downstairs.

"morning, kenz." my mom chirps from behind a stack of boxes in the kitchen. she's always happiest when we've just moved in, something about her which i will never, ever understand. unpacking is always the worst part of moving, although it's somewhat fun to reorganize your room.

sometimes i just wish i had the familiarity that all other kids have, like childhood memories in your hometown, or friends that you've had for years and see every day at school until you graduate. like a state you can genuinely take pride in saying you're from. but mom says as long as we're together, it will become home.

that felt true until my dad died. i was twelve, so it's been about three years. you would think it would get better, but it doesn't. now, i don't feel like crying all the time anymore, but i'm losing my memories of him. also, i'm losing my sense of home. nothing will ever feel like home without him. maddie adapts so quickly to whatever life throws at her, and relatively, i do too. but change is harder for me than it is mom and maddie. mom seems happy as always, even though i know she misses him. and maddie is just virtually perfect. it's so hard to imagine her feeling the deep pain and insecurities that i do, even though i'm sure they're there.

i think about dad and mom and maddie like this every time we move. i cant help it.

"what do you want for breakfast? we've got frozen waffles and syrup, fruit, milk, and eggs." my mom lists. i almost roll my eyes at how clueless she is once again to my emotions, but i restrain myself. she's trying to be nice.

"i'll just take some fruit, i guess." i say, clearing my throat and the thoughts from my head and rummaging through the cabinets. i find a banana, so i grab it and wave goodbye to my mom. "i'm gonna go get ready, okay?"

"don't forget, today is unpacking day!" mom's eyes twinkle.

"how could i forget?" i sigh, climbing upstairs. my room and bathroom are also full of boxes, so i find the one labeled KENZ'S CLOTHES and use a pair of scissors to open it. i pull out clothes after clothes until i decide to wear my mom jeans and a striped tank. after i shower, brush my teeth, and do my skincare, i swipe on some mascara and lipgloss. i cant find my straightener, so i settle for slightly wavy hair pulled out of my eyes with multicolored rainbow clips.

"hey kenz." maddie's voice says. i jump. i hadn't even seen her come in.

"what?" i exhale, my hand over my heart.

"stop being overdramatic." she rolls her eyes. "mom wanted me to tell you to unpack your closet and bathroom first, then your bedroom, and then we'll all unpack downstairs."

"okay." i say, grabbing a blue scrunchie from the open box of toiletries and slipping it onto my wrist. "get out now."

"rude." maddie rolls her eyes. i guess we're both in a mood today. maddie leaves, so i walk into my room and put some music on and start to unpack my clothes into my closet. summer clothes on hangers, bottoms and winter clothes on shelves. i line my shoes up at the bottom of the shelf. hoodies are hung on hooks that line the empty wall across from the shelves, and finally, socks and undergarments are stuffed into drawers.

by the time i'm done, about an hour has passed. i decide to take a break before i move onto the bathroom, so i sit down on the counter top and scroll through my texts. i cant help but smile when i see a text from maisy stella, my best friend from new york. we became so close over the three years that it felt like we were sisters.