Chapter 4; Out of my Mind

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            Holy shit, what the fuck did I just do? I just couldn't hold myself back... and I can always hold myself back... I just could not stop thinking about the death and how much John has gone through, and how much looking into Rosies ocean blue eyes must hurt... For fucks sake, John probably thinks I'm a mad man now... well, more then before anyways. And besides, holding him like that, hes probably going to assume im teasing him and treating his feelings like a joke, even if he doesn't realize they're there.
            "Sherlock..." John said softly as he grabbed my shoulder while I was in the midst of reaching for the bread.
            "Yes John?" I said, still not looking back.
            "Would you... Could I take you to lunch?"
            "Unnecessary John, no need to go through the extra effort, besides I restocked the cupboards yesterday so-"
            "Sherlock, I want to take you to lunch," the shorter man said, no longer facing my back to hide his obvious embarressment.
            I had gone silent, no longer rummaging around the food compartments, turning to face John. I never expected him to-
            "Nevermind, just forget I said anything okay?" John said as he ran up to his room, not letting me see his face or say a single word in response.
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            I was finally calm enough to leave my room, or at least, I had no choice as it was time to pick up Rosie. I can't believe I-... Did I seriously almost ask hi-... God, something is seriously wrong with me... Sherlock must think Im such a fool... well, more then before anyways. This is normal, right? I mean, its only natural I'd develop those sort of... feelings towards someone I was living with and helping to raise my child... Shit, who am I kidding, I... I have feelings for a man... A man who claims to have barely any feelings at all at that... God, I really am fucking insane...
            As I was about to open the door to leave the flat I suddenly felt a hand grab my shoulder.
            "Meet me in front of the first resteraunt we ever went to together as soon as you bring Rosie home."
            I turned to face him, but by the time I turned around, he had already vanished.

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