ADDICTION | BMLA

seventeen.

Arabella Easton

I woke up to a loud banging noise in Brandon's hotel room. I jolted up and groaned. I picked up my shirt and skirt from the corner of the room and slipped it back on. The banging kept repeating and getting louder. I rubbed my eyes and slowly opened the door.

"BRANDON WHERE IS AR-" I stood in front of Edwin and scratched the back of my head. "Ara what were you doing in Brandon's room?"

"I w-was MENDING HIS FURNITURE," I yelled. Edwin raised his eyebrow at me and laughed.

"Okay all jokes aside why were you in B's room?" I looked all around the room.

"I was drunk so Brandon helped me not die," I said. Edwin put his hand out for me to take.

"Cmon we're getting back on the bus," Edwin replied.

"One second," I smiled. I went back into Brandon's room and closed the door behind me. I rapidly tapped on Brandon's shoulder and he slowly opened his eyes. "Brandon wake up."

"Why?" He groaned, sitting upright.

"Edwin's at the door and we're getting on the bus," I said. Brandon got out of bed and stretched. I took my bag and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Brandon asked.

"Back to the bus," I said, placing my hand on the handle of the door. I opened the door and softly closed it behind me. I followed after Edwin as we walked into the elevator.

"You're sister went crazy for you," Edwin said.

"What did she do? Is she okay? Does she know I'm okay?" I panicked.

"Yeah I already texted her and everything," Edwin replied. I bit my lip and paced back and forth.

"Does she know I was in Brandon's room?" I asked.

"Yeah but I mean she shouldn't be mad because Brandon helped you so," Edwin shrugged. I nodded at him as the elevator dinged to signal we were at the lobby. My luggage was lined up in front of the bus while my sister stood by the door. I got myself ready for her to yell at me, but instead she embraced me in her arms.

"I was so fucking worried," she said into my ear.

"I'm safe," I reassured. She took a strand of my hair and tucked it behind my ear.

"I already went into your room and got all your stuff," she said, pointing at the luggage. She took my hand and lead me inside the bus. Zion, Nick, and Austin were playing video games while Edwin followed behind me.

"There's the homie," Austin grinned.

"Where have you been Easton?" Nick asked.

"I don't know about you guys but I'm fucking hungry," I said, ignoring Nick. I spotted blueberry muffins on the table and quickly grabbed one in my hands. As I peeled the clear wrapping, Brandon appeared at the door.

"There you are B," Austin waved from his seat.

"Yeah I just woke up late," Brandon said. He made his way pass me and into his bunk.

"What's wrong with him?" Zion questioned. I shrugged and continued eating my muffin.

. . .

It was already 11:30 PM and everyone else went to sleep. I claimed the biggest room in the back of the bus and settled my stuff inside there. Although it was small, it was still a decent size for me to move around in. I took my laptop out of my backpack and placed it on a small table. I set up a mic system and a mini keyboard next to it. I placed my headphones over my ears and began to play around with beats. I took out my journal and jotted some notes down. As I was searching through my library of recordings, one file caught my eye.

"BRANDON'S BEAT."

I clicked on the file and examined the sound of the music. As soon as the lyrics started to play, I heard a few knocks at my door. I stood up from my chair and closed my laptop. I opened the door to reveal Brandon standing directly in front of me.

"Hey can we talk?" Brandon asked. I nodded and let him inside my room. I closed the door behind him and sat on my chair.

"What'd you wanna talk about?" I questioned, fidgeting with a strand of my black hair.

"It doesn't even have to be about last night, I just want to talk to you," Brandon sighed, sitting down on my bed.

"Well for starters last night was just us being stupid," I replied, "I feel bad about it."

"Why?" Brandon said pushing his glasses up with his finger.

"You have a girlfriend and I knew that when we-we did some stuff last night," I let out, "you aren't supposed to go around fucking other girls when you have a girlfriend."

"It's fine," Brandon reassured. His words made me mad and it felt like my insides were going to explode.

"No Brandon it's not fine! I bet it would fucking hurt to tell Charlotte that we totally fucked while you guys were still dating. And the worst part is the same thing happened to me. Even though we weren't dating a year ago, you were the one that went back to her when I thought we were in love," I said. "You know everything still hurts Brandon! I know it was a year ago and I know that I'm doing a lot better now but it hurts to know that I never got a call back from you and now all of a sudden you're just in my tour bus talking to me. Imagine how Charlotte would feel once she finds out you cheated." I took a deep breath and sighed. Brandon scratched the back of his head and looked at me with no words.

"You know what's bothering me?" Brandon began, "why do you care this much about a call? Why didn't you just call me? Why did I have to be the one to call you back if you were so bothered?"

"Brandon I spent my whole life contemplating on wether I should call you or not. I managed to fight the pain from seeing your lips on her's on my Instagram and I assumed you didn't need me. But over time, I forgot about you and you forgot about me and we moved on," I admitted.

"I never forgot about you Ara," Brandon replied.

"Is that so? Brandon I spent the majority of my fucking days waiting to hear your voice from my phone and it never happened! I told you to make up your mind and tell me! None of that ever happened. Instead, you go posting on your social medias about Charlotte without even thinking about giving me a call," I exclaimed. Brandon looked at me with defeat. "Friends, not friends, whatever we are, I just want you to know that I'm moving on. I'm happy where I am. Let's not flirt anymore. Let's not get in eachother's way. I'm on my own path and you're on yours," I said. Brandon looked at me as I noticed a small tear slipped from his left eye. I've never seen him cry before. The sight of him shedding a tear made me want to cry a whole waterfall. Brandon stood off my bed and headed for the door. Before he could reach the handle, I wrapped my arms over his shoulders.

"Ara, I love you but I'm going to let you go,"
Brandon smiled turning around to me.

"You don't love me, you love Charlotte," I let out. His tears began to grow in numbers.

"No-"

I wiped his tears off with my fingers and hugged him. Being in his arms was the best feeling in the world. But this feeling wasn't for me.

"Brandon, please don't fall in love with me ever again," I pleaded as tears fell down my face.

"And why would I ever not do it again?"

"Because it hurts the both of us. I swear sometime we'll be happy together again," I smiled, "but when that time comes promise me you won't fall in love with me ever again." Brandon kissed the top of my forehead and caressed my face.

"I can't promise you that." Brandon left my room and the door closed behind him. I melted down onto my bed and sobbed.

I knew I loved him but I needed to let him free.