Why you?

You

I didn't even mean to reconnect with you like this. I was just going to hang out with a friend and you happened to be his best friend. We have known each other since the sixth or seventh grade. However, when we reconnected I felt something. Something I haven't felt in a long time. I don't know what it was but when I saw you, I got butterflies in my stomach and I felt like I couldn't muster up three words to say to you. We kept in touch through a trivia quiz app. I don't recall the name of it. Anyway, you helped me with the lawn work and when you left you told me the fantasy you had of us.

After that I became sexually attracted to you. More and More happened but it was wrong at the time for so many reasons. I did fall for you. And then you ignored me for a couple months. Within those couple months I took your advice into consideration. I got up and got a better job. I thought about school and realized I did not want to do that. I have been fixing my mental health. I did everything I could to show you that I was serious about you. You didn't see that...

You say you care about me. If you cared so much, why mess with my head? Why tell me you love me and then switch it to you didn't know how you loved me? I loved you. With everything I loved you.. yet, you broke me. I thought you were the perfect piece to my jigsaw.. turns out you were a piece to a different box. To a different picture. I still love you but the pain and burden you put on my head is weighing me down.

Your words vary. One day you love me and want to be with me. The next it's I don't want anything to do with you romantically. What changed? What made you change your behavior towards me? What did I do wrong? Or better yet what did you do? You say we aren't compatible, I disagree. Yeah, we don't like the same exact stuff and don't have the same views (mostly). Is that the most important thing to you? What about happiness?

You took mine and shattered it on the ground. I shouldn't have run back into your arms. I couldn't help it though, they made me feel so safe and loved. They made me feel special. You made me extremely happy. I just wanted to be around you all the time. Turns out you were just using me to figure out what you wanted and only what you wanted. You didn't listen. Most importantly, I didn't listen to myself.

No one is perfect. To me though, you were the one I wanted with all this messed up stuff happening in our world. You brought me out of the darkness on my bad days. Now? You put me in those bad days. You make me cry uncontrollably. But I still love you? I still want to be with you? Is that love or is that just plain stupidity. I guess I will never know and I would have to move on. I wish you the best of luck in your life... even if I am not in it.